Comic Review: Amazing Adult Fantasy
Review by Comix
As a writer, I have tried to make it a point to not waste my time writing negative reviews. In fact, if you go back over my articles, every single one screams “read this, it’s the best thing ever!” I found out that if I read something bad, I just stop reading it and even if I did want to do a bad review, I didn’t care enough to have read enough to do a decent, opinionated article. Today, my friends, today is the day I prove myself wrong! I have found a comic so terrible, so insulting to my intelligence, that I must tell you about it! I must tell the world. It is called Amazing Adult Fantasy (I’ll be back to the adult part later) and it was published by Marvel Entertainment in the early sixties. If I could look into your eye through the computer screen, I would look into your soul right now and tell you: “This. Is. Awful.” It was stupid, it was shallow, and surprisingly, pretty damn racist; even for the sixties, it was… it was just racist.
Amazing Adult Fantasy/Amazing Adventures was an old timey comic magazine that came along on the tide of horror and sci-fi magazine that were getting huge at the time. It was a collected mix of second-rate horror and sci-fi stories featuring well chiseled men fighting aliens, ghosts, and their own sanity! The comic is very much an embodiment of everything that was going on in entertainment in the sixties. Every alien was out to enslave humans and robots were running amok among the populace, threatening to destroy everything we held dear. It so absolutely cliché, that if the comic was a movie, you would be able to see the zippers in the alien suits and the strings holding up spaceships. By the way, throwing the word “Adult” into its title doesn’t promise gratuitous amount of titties and violence either. Apparently it was put in to attract a more ‘adult’ audience, but Jesus could read this and not got offended. Honest to God, Jesus.
Okay, when it comes to crappy sci-fi and horror comics, I’m the first one to jump to their defense and be like “no, it was a different time! Respect the elderly and all that jazz!” I mean, think back to Creepy and Eerie. Sure, some of the stories were corny as hell, but they were good and whoever wrote them actually gave a damn about what they were doing. But not this comic, oh no, and this time not even I’m willing to stick my neck out for this piece of schlock. The stories are so ridiculous and stupid that I don’t understand how somebody didn’t stand up on their desk after the first issue and just scream “NO!” over and over until the comic stopped being published. How many times can aliens from Mars come down and try to enslave humanity? Apparently, every single issue. We are in constant danger all the time, people! Quick, off the Earth before the terror of Tim Boo Ba comes for you! And you don’t even want to know what they did to the horror. Trust me, you really don’t.
By the way, on top of being retarded and wasting my precious, precious time, it was also, as I mentioned, really racist. When I say racist, I mean, “what the fuck, that is not where Asian people come from,” racist. Hold on to your hats because I’m about to tell you something stupid. There is a recurring character in the comic named Dr Droom. Dr Droom is a white doctor who flies to Tibet after hearing about a sick monk high in the mountains and once he gets there, he is suddenly faced with these Temple of Doom type challenges that he must pass to get to the patient. When he finally gets to the sick guy, an old, Tibetan master, the old dude is like “I’m not actually sick, I was looking for a successor to my powers and it’s you, Dr Droom!” Dr Droom is all like “fuck yeah, let’s make this happen!” and not only does he get mystical, Tibetan abilities but his face begins to change to match his new found powers. I shit you not, he becomes Asian! Here’s a quote: “My eyes! They’re becoming slanted! And I’ve a… a mustache!” He magically gets a fu manchu!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING!?
So yeah, if you have any self respect or decency or any-fucking-thing else to do, don’t waste your time on this. Between Dr. Droom’s dives into the mystical arts of growing a ‘stache and the gargantuan creatures from Saturn coming to eat our children, there is really nothing going on. There are a million other comics you could be reading that will at least make you feel something more than the absolute hate you will feel at your poor choice of reading material. Or, you could be like me. Because you know what the worst thing about this comic is? I mean, what is truly the worst, most awful, face-smashingly evil thing about this comic? That I’m gonna keep reading it. That’s right, I’m going to keep right on reading it because it’s so completely ridiculous and stupid, that I cannot pull away. It’s like Hellraiser’s puzzle box, I must keep tinkering it with it until I open the portal to Hell. If you want to be just like me, there is a hard-bound collection of the whole series released by Marvel in 2007 collecting Amazing Adventures 1-6, Amazing Adult Fantasy 7-14, and Amazing Fantasy 15. Just don’t come crying to me when the cenobites come for you.