Blu-ray Review: Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies
Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies
Review by Marc Patterson
In my never-ending quest to make up for lost formative years, I now spend my days scouring the ends of the earth for the weird, bizarre, and downright dirty. Something Weird Video makes my life a little easier when they release titles like Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies. You can imagine my perverted delight when SWV announced they’d be releasing her 73 inch breasts in glorious Blu-ray. Oh hell yes I want to see that!
The Blu-ray is a triple feature, and if you’re privy to the exploits of the former burlesque queen you’ll know she only has two films to her credit, Deadly Weapons and Double Agent 73. Well, this collection plays out like a wild showcase of the films of Doris Wishman and tosses in The Immoral Three as an informal sequel to Double Agent 73.
I’ve got to make a short detour and talk for a couple of seconds about Doris Wishman. I wasn’t really hyper-aware of this woman until recently. Shamefully very recently. Talk about women in film! Wishman was the true “Queen of Sexploitation”, possibly the first female purveyor of smut to reign in the market. Her films are all of low-quality but essentially what you’re getting when you watch her films are glorified stag reels and stripteases extended out into features, with just enough of sloppily strung together plotlines to keep things hobbling along. This is fairly important to keep in mind when you go into something like Chesty Morgan territory. You’re seriously going to watch this because you want to be titillated, and not much else.
So let’s break this disc down, shall we?
We start off with Deadly Weapons. The opening credits for this one start off with an extended montage of Chesty’s chest. There’s no foreplay. You came to see those humongous 73 inch wonders of nature and BAM! There they are. The story follows Chesty (as Crystal), an ad executive who shares a romantic relationship with a stereotypical big city Italian mobster. It’s all about the meatballs baby! The two are deeply in love and Larry wants to marry Crystal. Too bad the mob wants him dead, and what the mob wants, the mob gets. Crystal is devastated over his death and in her vengeful anger she hatches a plan to take down the mob, which includes assassination by titty suffocation!
Good Lord, but this is one excruciatingly long exercise in endurance. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the film. I was into it for the first twenty minutes or so, but as things went on I quickly got bored of Chesty’s wooden acting and Wishman’s poor direction. I get it. This is a campy film, so it’s supposed to be this way – but honestly this is a perfect example of what I was talking about earlier. Everything about the production is designed to draw attention to those massive mind-melting jugs, and who gives a flying fuck about the rest. There’s only so much a man can take though, and I got to this point early on.
Quickly moving forward we jump into Double Agent 73, where Chesty is now Jane, a.k.a “Double Agent 73”. Not unlike Deadly Weapons, we get an eyeful of Chesty’s moneymakers in those opening minutes. This time, instead of lathering up with soap and bubbles, Chesty is giving her twins a bath in the sun at a nudist camp. Duty calls though and soon it’s time to bust out the high heels and put the beatdown on a group of vicious drug smugglers.
The big gimmick in Double Agent 73 is how Wishman decided to play with Chesty’s infamous rack. Get this: Agent 73 has a camera implanted into one of her tits, which she liberally whips out whenever she needs to photograph important, or perhaps unimportant, items for the agency. In her other tit she’s got a bomb implanted. Talk about a booby trap! She’s double trouble alright. The deal with the booby bomb is that if she doesn’t complete her mission in time, it’s game over for Chesty. Damn… now that sucks the big one. When it comes to WTF filmmaking, this one had the market cornered in spades.
True to the first film, this one is tediously long, and the gags outstay their welcome. You basically get what you came to see in the first half-hour. Everything else is pure overkill. The horrid direction and worse cinematography are tolerable for all of a few minutes and Chesty is so dull as an actress it’s no wonder she didn’t make any films after this. I don’t want to downplay her career though. This is a woman cut out for the burlesque stage, and she maintained a career performing until the early nineties, if you can believe it. That said – if you’re a self-respecting fan of smut and you don’t watch these films well then maybe you’re the boob.
We wrap up the disc with The Immoral Three. After spending far too much time staring at the largest set of breasts I’ve ever seen on screen it was a bit of a relief to gaze on three women, who whilst not small-chested by any means, seemed far more “normal” compared to Chesty. In this informal sequel to Double Agent 73 we meet our three leads, who were raised as orphans, but discover that their mother was the famed Double Agent 73 and that they need to avenge her death. Seriously. Who cares? If I’m a grown adult and I never knew my parents I certainly wouldn’t give a shit about killing the killer. I’ve got other shit to do. BUT, there’s a million reasons that are given to the girls if they do complete this task. Yes, I’m talking about one million brand new greenbacks. So, our gaggle of hot mamas follow in their late mother’s footsteps and use their best assets to bring the bad guys to their knees. Expect lots of sexy shenanigans to follow.
I actually had more fun with The Immoral Three than I did the other two films. It’s not that it’s a better made film, but the inclusion of three girls means you basically triple your pleasure, triple your gags, and have plenty of variety to keep things interesting. Kudos to Wishman for sorting that out.
Presentation: all three films are presented in 1080p High-Def Widescreen with an aspect ratio of 1.78:1. This is the first time they’ve been released like this. The prior SWV versions on DVD were in fullscreen. I can’t say for sure how these were originally meant to be viewed, but sometimes I do find it interesting that a film made in fullscreen and always presented in fullscreen is suddenly “wide” when transferred over to Blu. If you remember my review about Mondo Macabro’s release of Countess Perverse you’ll remember MM was careful to ensure viewers kept the aspect ratio to 1.33:1 fullscreen and didn’t stretch it to wide, or accept a cropped top. Here everything looked just fine to me, but it does raise an eyebrow, especially when it’s the same guys issuing a simple re-release.
As far as the quality of the prints are concerned, I have to say they all looked great. Quite amazing actually. There were times where you almost forgot these films were made back in the 70s, rather than being the product of one of today’s more imaginative “grindhouse” artists. Additionally, the colors were vibrant and well balanced, and all of the details popped off the screen. (And by “details” I’m not just talking about boobies, though they too popped quite nicely).
All said, this was a well-endowed disc and makes for a great primer to the work of Doris Wishman. Through the process of watching the films I was able to amuse myself by learning more about Wishman and of course the Polish sensation, Chesty Morgan. While these aren’t fantastic films, the combination of them all together makes this a recommended purchase to fans of the raunchy and ridiculous.
Thanks to RockShockPop.com for the awesome screenshots!