Film Review: Zombies vs. Strippers (2012)
Review by Marc Patterson
God bless truth in advertising. If there’s one thing we can count on with a Charles Band production it’s titties, gore, cheap acting and cheap production values. Oh – and a shit ton of fun. Zombies vs. Strippers is the latest bucket of fishmeal from Full Moon Studios and if you’re a fan of splatter schlock then you’ll want to check it out. The plot doesn’t push the boundaries beyond anything you might expect from the aptly named title and if you’ve seen Zombie Strippers, or Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!, you have a pretty good idea of what you’re in for. Although, oddly enough – I liked this a little bit better than either of those films. Here’s why…
It’s another agonizingly slow night at the Tough Titty, a tiki-themed strip club in a rough side of town. Spider, the proprietor of said establishment is standing on his last leg and is looking to close up shop for good. While it’d seem that The Tough Titty has fallen on hard times, from the looks of the place there may well have never been a time when things were good. You know you’re going nowhere when your best patrons are a couple of unsavory drunks who can barely sit upright in their seats. Yup, it’s definitely time for ol’ Spider to fold his hand and walk away.
Just as Spider announces to his strippers and crew members that he’s shutting the place down in walks the biggest whale of a customer with one hell of a story. Spike is the frontman for a punk rock band Nancy Reagan’s Vagina. All hell broke loose at the club they were performing at and he did what any right minded band member would do in his position: He robbed the joint blind, stealing sixteen grand, and then headed down to the Titty to get the lapdance of his life. Soon, more and more miscreants start showing up with equally deranged tales of flesh eating humans outside. In no time at all the Tough Titty is having the biggest night since they opened their doors, but unfortunately the next round of customers have walked straight off the set of George Romero’s latest flick and intend to feast on Spider and his voluptuous vixens like they were prime roast at an all you can eat buffet.
Normally I’m a bit more critical of films that feature lackluster plots and barely passable acting, so it might seem strange to some of you that I’m about to applaud this cheap bit of gonzo with such bravado. Thing is – I fully knew what I was getting into when I fired this film up. In fact, had this actually been a more slickly produced film I might have been left disappointed. This is to say that when I seek out the ultimate B-movie experience I fully expect to get just that. Full Moon Studios has rarely disappointed on this front. The sets aren’t well lit and the acting is a bit off, but the one liners are hilarious and the gore is unbeatable. As an added bonus the characters are downright likeable, which goes a hell of a long way. Plus, for the more perverted amongst us, you’ll be drooling in delight when porn star Adriana Sephora bares all, eventually getting down and dirty in the most nasty backroom zombie sex scene you’ll watch (well, Dawna of the Dead notwithstanding). All said though – my personal favorite character hands down was Red Wing, the bible thumping biker who in his past life earned his road name by… well, if you don’t already know you’ll find out. Let’s just leave it at that.
The bare bottom line here is pretty straightforward: You’re going to see lots of titties and lots of zombies, with a few bikers and punk rockers tossed in for good measure, all wrapped up in a crusty blood soaked g-string of a good time. At seventy-five minutes there’s not much room for downtime and the pace continually speeds up giving viewers a highly entertaining and bloody finale. Zombies vs. Strippers is gorish and whorish. It’s incredibly dumb, but yet perfectly fun. For a Friday night at the backyard drive-in, what more can you ask for?