Argento’s Van Helsing Has Seen Things You People Wouldn’t Believe…
by Ben Bussey
In news that has sent factions of the online community into multiple geekgasms, it was announced today in the Italian press (alright, I won’t try to bullshit you, I read it at Twitch) that one of cinema’s baddest badasses Mr Rutger Hauer is to take the role of Abraham Van Helsing in the new 3D adaptation of Dracula being directed by Dario Argento.
There’s cause for optimism here, absolutely. Hauer’s best work – namely, Blade Runner and The Hitcher – has given us some of the most menacing performances in living memory. And after taking small but meaty roles in Sin City and Batman Begins, this year sees him headine Hobo With A Shotgun, which we can but hope will use the man to his full potential. After all, he’s one of those actors whose screenpresence has only grown with age.
But lest we get ahead of ourselves… may I just remind everyone of a certain other vampire movie Mr Hauer was once involved in. It was called Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and while many people tend to remember it only by association with the excellent TV series it spawned, I personally remember the film itself well as it was the first horror movie I got to see on the big screen. And it was really rather terrible. Flat, lifeless, completely free from scares or atmosphere, almost entirely devoid of laughs.
I’ve said my piece on Argento before, but whether you’re a fan or not, we can surely agree that, in Marc’s words, “Dario Argento is washed up, finished, kaput. The best of his filmmaking years are well behind him. I don’t care if you adore him for everything he’s done twenty plus years ago, let’s face it – He makes shitty films now.” That being the case, having great actors in his film won’t necessarily matter at all. And as past experience has shown us, not even Rutger Hauer is enough to save a film that is destined for disaster.
We wait to be proven wrong, Mr Argento.
