Slash & Dine October: House of Seitan and Waffles
by Shannon Bucaro
House of Seitan and Waffles
Talk on the Phone. Finish Your Homework. Watch TV. Eat Some Chicken and Waffles. DIE!
Yeah, I know what you all are thinking, “Is this really a new movie getting some spotlight on a Slash and Dine column?” Fact is, I don’t think most horror movies nowadays are worth the plastic wrap they come in. However, The House of the Devil made me not only want to watch the movie more than once, but watch it again backwards looking for subliminal messages. I can’t help it, I was raised in the “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid” era.
For the past 24 years of my life I have been looking for an excuse to describe something with the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Thank you Ti West for finally giving me a reason to jump from my couch, yell words bigger than I am, and make all my Mary Poppins dreams come true. Word of advice: don’t ever watch horror movies with me. We may not be friends afterwards.
Right from the start, the first aspect of this movie that grabs me by the hair and makes me pay attention is the truly great camera work. To see a movie released in 2009 that has such an eerie 70’s/80’s vibe to it is just damn impressive to me. Ready to see me really nerd out on you? Ti West even went as far as having this movie shot on 16mm film (which was very popular in the 80’s) to give the movie a more retro stylistic look. Another side note: The House of the Devil was filmed in a mere 18 days and managed to stay under a million dollar budget. Take that Transformers 3! Your 18 days are up, now can you please get out of Chicago?!
Yes, this movie is compared to a modern day Rosemary’s Baby by many who watch. On the other hand, I wouldn’t say this movie stole or copied anything from said movie. Yes, Rosemary’s Baby is a classic. A staple to its time, however, The House of the Devil has rolled on up, squatted, and marked its territory and will be a staple to this generation. Oh yes, I went there.
Regardless of how amazing the ending is to this film, the scene that gets me every time is the car parked by the cemetery scene. The build up, the suspense, the dialogue, the gun shot – I tip my hat. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it, and just as before, my mind has wandered to food. Come on now, there’s blood, fluids, and chunkiness; why on earth would someone NOT automatically think about chicken and waffles? Just be happy I let you guys go a month without talking about penis and castration.
Now shhhhh, let’s watch the trailer:
To make Not Chicken and Waffles you will need:
1 tsp salt or seasoned salt
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp Oregano
1 tsp Thyme
1 1/2 cups flour
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
1/4 cup prepared mustard
2 tbsp baking powder
1/2 cup water
1 lb seitan, cut into 1-2″ square pieces
(Real chicken if you plan on using meat)
Oil for frying
In a medium to large bowl, mix together the salt, onion powder, garlic powder, flour, black pepper, Cayenne, Oregano, Thyme and nutritional yeast.
Add baking powder to the flour mixture and combine well.
Coat pieces of seitan or chicken with the mustard batter, then coat each piece with the dry flour mixture.
Fry chunks of “chicken” in the oil on medium-high heat in a large skillet for 3-5 minutes, turning once until golden brown. Drain on a paper towel. Toast waffles in toaster oven, butter them, and then put friend “chicken” on top of waffles and cover in syrup. Enjoy!
Tip #1: If your chunks are turning brown or black rather than a crispy golden brown, your oil is probably too hot! Reduce the heat a small amount and try again.
Tip #2: If you are making a real chicken version, cook chicken according to package instructions to make sure it is fully cooked and you can use the same breading recipe as above and lightly fry in pan as stated.