DVD Review: ‘Four Boxes’ Proves Being Clever Can Only Take You so Far
DVD Review: Four Boxes (2009)
Studio: E1 Ent.
Release Date: October 12, 2010
Directed by: Wyatt McDill
Starring: Justin Kirk, Terryn Westbrook, Sam Rosen
Review by: Annie Riordan
Watching security cam footage: not exactly my idea of an exciting hobby. Frankly, I don’t know how FBI officials or paranormal investigators can do it for hours – even days! – at a time without going completely bugshit. Seriously, I’d rather watch golf in an undecorated, windowless room with only unsalted white crackers for appetizers.
Rob, however, can’t get enough of it. Rob is one half of a freelance estate liquidating service, which is a polite way of saying that he and his partner Trevor go into dead people’s homes, clean out their shit and sell it on eBay for a profit. Trevor is the dour, semi-levelheaded one, whereas Rob is the, uh…well damn, someone needs to invent a less offensive synonym for the term “wigger.” Moving right along, Trevor and Rob team up to clean out the home of a recently deceased gentleman. At first glance, the residence turns up nothing but worthless junk, but Rob and Trev nevertheless move in and begin the process anyway. To the displeasure of Trevor, Rob’s pretentious girlfriend Amber joins them. Amber is a pseudo-bohemian coffee house chanteuse who, once upon a time, was Trevor’s girl. Now, she and Rob are engaged and Trevor can only look on in disgust.
Fortunately, the deceased left behind a laptop and Rob soon has Trevor turned on to a website called Four Boxes. Originally set up as a voyeuristic vanity site by a hot young girl who moved away and left her video equipment behind, the site now provides a peek into the life of the apartment’s new occupant, a creepy guy nicknamed “Havoc” by Rob. Havoc, forever faceless beneath his dark hoodie, wanders about and does some disturbing stuff with a leafblower, but certainly nothing that warrants anyone’s undivided attention for hours on end.
But with nothing else to do but listen to Rob and Amber banging each other, Trevor quickly becomes a devoted audience of one and soon has reason to believe that Havoc is much more than just a garden variety creep. Joined by another faceless weirdo nicknamed “Ziploc” Trevor and Rob come to believe that Havoc and his new best buddy are terrorists, preparing to unload some major shit upon the U.S. by way of the postal service. Further investigating reveals even more unpleasantries, some that are a bit, shall we say, closer to home.
Four Boxes is a scatter of jigsaw pieces which slowly fit into place. Very. Slowly. Saw this ain’t, although it would very much like to be. The problem with Four Boxes is not with its plot, which is reasonably clever, or with its twist which, if not totally unforeseen, at least tries its mightiest to be entertainingly original. The problem is the pacing which, in this case, can only be described as leaden. I understand and appreciate the need for character development, but not a solid hour of it. With characters so vacuous and shallow, there’s not that much to develop anyway. It kind of reminded me of a party I went to once. I asked a girl I knew vaguely where she was working and she replied with: “Well, I’m a transient soul.” It would have been much easier to just say: “I’m unemployed” but no, she couldn’t resist trying to gussy it up, a lame, pretentious attempt which made me laugh, roll my eyes and leave the party early.
I wish I could have left Four Boxes early. It took so long to convince me of its own cleverness that I lost interest long before it could. The same story could have been compacted into a much shorter runtime and been much more interesting. As it is, this is going to bore the proverbial socks off of anyone looking for a psycho-thriller. It’s neither psychotic, nor thrilling. It’s just…well, like watching security cam footage. Please, I beg of you, hire an editor next time.
