True Blood Season 3 Finale Recap, 3.12
by Britt Hayes
At the end of last week’s episode, Eric had silver-cuffed himself to vampire king Russell in the sunlight, after tricking him into drinking Sookie’s magic faerie blood. It looked like it might be the end for Eric.
As Eric and Russell sizzle in the sun, Russell explains that he killed Eric’s family for a couple of goats for his pet werewolves. Dude, I’m sure if you had just asked for the goats, they would have been happy to oblige. Godric appears as a glowy, heavenly apparition to Eric, imploring him to forgive Russell and end his hate. He tells Eric that, “Forgiveness is love. Love is all.” I want some of whatever they smoke in the afterlife. Russell thankfully cuts in and says, “Just shut the fuck up and die, please.” Not that I want Eric to die, but all this hippie love and peace nonsense is silly. But Eric swore he would avenge his family, and Godric seems to solidify his decision by telling Eric that peace awaits everyone in death, even Russell.
Inside Fangtasia, Sookie is slapping Bill around for betraying her and allowing Eric and Russell to drink her blood. You would think that after all the times when Bill let people do things to Sookie only to tell her later that he did it as part of a plan to save her, she’d just go with the flow. But no. It’s not an episode without a Sookie and Bill fight. When Sookie finally stops being selfish and hysterical, she finds out that Eric is outside burning with Russell. She runs out to save Eric against his wishes, and Russell convinces her to use her faerie light power to blast them apart. Unfortunately, Sookie doesn’t know how to wield her power, so Russell has to yell at her and degrade her for a while (which is totally fine by me) to get her power to shoot out. She then pummels Russel into a fence and takes Eric inside where she makes Bill begrudgingly bite her so she can feed Eric her blood and heal him.
On TV, Nan Flanagan and the good reverend Steve Newlin exchange quips about vampire rights with Newlin saying that one murderous vampire should result in the entire race being wiped out. Nan fires back that, following his logic, Bin Laden is human, so all humans should be wiped out. Zing!
In snoozeville, Sam makes Tara post-coital breakfast.
Eric has regained his strength and asks Sookie to bring Russell inside. He has bigger plans for the vampire king that don’t include death.
And back to the house of boring… Tara has just found out Sam is a shape-shifter, and in true Tara fashion, she flips out because he didn’t tell her before they had sex, as if shifting is contagious – Tara really is as ignorant as her mother. “Too many bad things have happened to me because of supernatural stuff!” And that’s just the first of many horrible Tara lines this episode! But never fear, Sam has a plan: he tells her that running away to start a new life would be easy enough for a smart girl like her. Sam, please stop filling her head with nonsense. Tara is an idiot. On the other hand, feel free to continue encouraging her to go away.
At Fangtasia, Eric is using silver chains to keep Russell tied to a stripper pole. Pam begs him to have some common sense and kill the bastard, but Eric insists he has a plan. Poor crispy Russell loses a fang after a punch in the gut from Eric, and so begins the best part of this entire episode: burnt Russell, who somehow manages to be even more hilarious than regular Russell! Eric decides they all need a nap, and leaves Sookie in charge of Russell since he can’t glamor her. Bill decides to stay with Sookie, but she was also given terrible lines this episode and tells him, “Well I don’t really wanna look at your face right now, or any of your faces for that matter! Go crawl back into your holes you creepy, cold freaks!” Yeah, Sookie, you… tell them? This suddenly feels like a five year old lashing out at her parents. While Sookie pouts, Eric makes a phone call, requesting the help and van services of someone… Hmm….
The DEA has arrived at the police station to prepare for the sting on the meth/vampire blood/were-panther compound. Jason shows up to try and reason with the DEA and Andy by telling them about the innocent children and people at the compound, but Andy tells him no, and warns that if he tips off the compound, he’ll never be a cop.
Tara has flashbacks to all the people she’s seen die around her in the last few seasons. Eggs, Russell, the voodoo lady who lost her heart. I think she’s just being a baby.
Hoyt shows up to work to find his mom, Summer, and the guidance counselor from high school who says, “I’m here for these folks who really love you…” Apparently it’s a Jessica-vampire intervention! Oh, and I guess in Louisiana saying “Hey” to someone denotes that you are kind and caring, and possibly their soulmate, according to Summer’s open letter to Hoyt. Mrs. Fortenberry’s letter to Hoyt is hilarious, telling him, “If you think I’m going to let you throw your life away on a red-headed dead girl, you are sorely mistaken.” Oh, parents. They just don’t understand, do they? Hoyt tells his mom off, snitches about the guidance counselor’s secret stash of Malibu rum, and goes off to do manly work in the heat.
Lafayette hallucinates again and sees blood on Sam’s hands.
Burny Russell proposes a deal to Sookie: He won’t hurt her or anyone she loves, he’ll give her $5 million dollars, he’ll kill Eric and/or Bill or neither, and she can have his house in Mississippi, if she lets him go. But she’s stupid and says no. Russell tells her that her blood is not of this world, and someday a vampire will tear her to pieces to get to the faerie essence inside her. He says that Bill must be using a ridiculous amount of restraint to not drain her dry every time he feeds on her, or he must be very smart. By showing restraint, Bill can make the experience of drinking her blood last forever (and maybe this is why he doesn’t want to turn her?). This sets wheels turning in Sookie’s head. And mine. Maybe all this stuff this season about not trusting Bill has some merit.
Then things get weird. We find out that Russell’s been carrying around Talbot goo because he thinks Sookie’s blood can somehow bring Talbot back to life. And this makes Sookie go crazy. She takes Talbot’s goo and tosses it in the garbage disposal at the bar, and begins laughing maniacally. This is an unexpected arc, but I think I could like where crazy Sookie goes…
Jason and Crystal show up at the compound and are met by Crystal’s father. Jason explains that he’s there to help, and it looks like Crystal’s dad may be on board. But Crystal’s boyfriend shows up waving a gun around, talking about “vamper juice”, and ends up killing her father.
Sam finds a bawling Terry and makes amends for his alcohol-fueled rage-fit. But Terry isn’t sad. He’s happy. Everything is fine. The kids are fine, Arlene’s fine, the crazy psycho killer baby’s fine, and even his pet armadillo is fine! Terry says he’s so happy and he never wants it to stop. I half-expected to see that he had lost his shit and had Arlene tied up in the house with the kids, forcing them to stay where they are, so as not to upset his happy balance.
After the awkward visit with Terry, Sam discovers that Jesse took off, and realizes he should probably go check on his safe at Merlotte’s.
Andy isn’t making a good impression on the head of the DEA sting, and back at the compound, Crystal’s boyfriend/brother is trying to kidnap her in Jason’s truck. Crystal is unable to reason with him, so instead decides to hit the road and leave Jason in charge of the inbred village. Jason promises to find her. I hope this isn’t the last of Crystal. She’s so sweet.
Tara stops by to see her mother and finds her having an affair with the reverend from church. The married reverend. Tara starts to tell her off, but instead wishes her the best… because it looks like she’s leaving! YES!
Lafayette is still hallucinating, and frantically calls Jesus to come help him, while Terry chastises Arlene for working when she could possibly lose their baby. No, no one wants that!
Alcide shows up at Fangtasia, and Sookie egotistically believes he’s magically shown up for her, to save her. Sookie has gone from being a girl who doesn’t understand why supernatural men are attracted to her, to knowing why and acting like a superficial bitch about it. Maybe she should leave with Tara? I honestly think I’d enjoy this show more if it were just Eric, Pam, Russell, Lafayette, Hoyt, and Jessica.
Bill and Alcide exchange intense sexy looks, and Eric drags Russell off to Alcide’s truck.
The DEA reprimands Jason for tipping off the compound. Jason tries to explain that he’s trying to help the innocent people, and that the guy they want took off in his truck. Andy says Jason will never be a cop, and for once, Jason says something smart: “Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing, and I know I did the right thing.” I officially love Jason again.
Jesus shows up to help Lafayette, who thinks he’s turning into his crazy mother. Jesus admits that he’s a witch, and he understands these visions – they will eventually wear off, or Lafayette will be able to deal with them better. It seems like Lafayette might turn on Jesus, but instead embraces the fact that he’s found the perfect man: a nurse/witch/dude.
Back at the place no one cares about: Tara cuts off her hair. Sookie gets home and they have a nice meal together. Sure, Tara’s hair looks cute now, but it still doesn’t make up for three seasons’ worth of insufferable petulance and irrational, selfish, grating behavior. After their meal, Tara says goodbye without telling Sookie that she won’t be coming back.
Eric and Bill take Russell out to a construction site and start burying him in cement. Eric could never be sure whether or not Russell found peace in the afterlife, but this way, he will suffer for at least 100 years, trapped in the ground with his grief and his guilt. Godric appears one last time to reason with Eric: everyone deserves peace in death, including Russell. Eric isn’t buying it. Bill chimes in with the worst line of the episode: “100 years during which you will go mad, madder even than you are now. And you are as mad as a fuckin’ hatter.” Does anyone in this episode know how to tell someone off properly?
I know Russell was just wrapped in silver chains and buried in cement, but can we please bring him back soon? He was the greatest villain.
Bill turns to shake Eric’s hand, but instead slaps silver cuffs on him and throws him into an adjacent pit, where he buries Eric in cement as well. Oh Bill, what are you doing?!
Hoyt surprises Jessica with a house of their very own, and asks her to marry him. One problem: vampire/human marriages aren’t yet legal. Solution: Hoyt will get ordained on the internet and marry them himself. I kind of want to marry Hoyt now. Mrs. Fortenberry isn’t done with them, though, and is purchasing a vampire-killing rifle as sponsored by Steve Newlin.
Bill shows up to talk to Sookie and tells her that he has dispatched of Eric, and even if they aren’t getting back together, he will kill anyone who finds out what she is because no vampire will be able to restrain themselves the way he has. Things begin to look up for the couple, until Eric shows up and spills the truth: Bill was sent by vampire queen Sophie-Anne to procure Sookie for herself, but Bill was quite taken by Sookie, and decided to stay in Bon Temps to keep her for himself. Bill insists he fell in love with her and was protecting her, and none of this sounds too bad until Eric makes the big reveal: Bill hired the couple that beat Sookie almost to death so he could save her the night they met. Sookie casts him out of her house. Bill says he will always love her, until he dies, and he will continue to protect her even if she doesn’t want to be with him. Sookie tells them both to get out of her life (too bad, because Eric is foxy, but once again, Sookie is not very bright).
Sam finds Jesse and points a gun at him, demanding his money back. Jesse feels betrayed – Sam turned his world upside down, and just as he was trying to get his life together (haphazardly, at best), Sam throws him out on the street. Sam doesn’t see it this way, and thinks Jesse is ungrateful trash. Jesse explains that he needs the money because he can’t get a job – he can’t read – and doesn’t think Sam will shoot him. As he turns to walk away, Sam points the gun and… bang. But did he shoot him, really?
At Bill’s house, he’s tricked Sophie-Anne into coming to claim Sookie’s blood, and just as they engage in battle, we find Sookie wandering around in faerie graveyard land and running away with her faerie family.
Long recap for this episode, but it was filled to the brim with plot and sub-plot. I would have preferred a two hour finale where some of these plots could have been rounded out more effectively, and maybe we wouldn’t have had so many loose ends. As it stands, we don’t know exactly where Sookie went, if Tara is actually gone (I hope so), if Sam shot Jesse, what Mrs. Fortenberry will do with that gun, and what happens when Bill and Sophie-Anne fight mid-air. I think many of these things could have been developed and concluded in this episode, leaving only the mystery of where Sookie went to be explored next season. The mid-episode fight between Bill and Sookie felt unnecessary, considering their split at the end of the episode. With two break-ups in one hour, it felt like overkill, and I didn’t care as much as I could have. I’m also confused with psycho-Sookie putting Talbot down the sink and laughing like a crazy woman. Immediately after, she returns to regular Sookie. It seemed like the beginning of an arc that they edited out in the writer’s room, but decided to keep once scene in for laughs.
This finale didn’t feel like a finale at all. It felt like a pen-ultimate episode leading into a finale, and that’s a major disappointment. Maybe next season the writers can trim down the sub-plots a little and focus on filling out strong storylines with characters we love.
