DVD Review: Big Tits Zombie
Big Tits Zombie
Distributor (UK): Terracotta
Directed by: Takao Nakano
Starring: Sola Aoi, Risa Kasumi, Mari Sakurai, Minoru Torihada
Review by: Ben Bussey
Professional stripper Lena (Aoi) is a little down on her luck. Recently returned home to Japan from working in Mexico – and we know this because she brought a sombrero and a tassled jacket back with her – she finds herself forced to take a gig at a dead-end small town club, alongside four other similarly down on their luck strippers. But in the absence of customers, the ladies have very little do to occupy their time, outside of the odd catfight. Happening upon a secret room under the club, they uncover a treasure trove of rare occult paraphernalia and literature, amongst which the resident Goth Maria (Sakurai) finds a copy of – wouldn’t you know it – the Book of the Dead. One innocently murmured incantation later, and the Stripper Five suddenly find themselves faced with a considerably larger audience, who are hungry for flesh indeed.
So… those crazy cats from Japan are at it again. Now, I’ve never read the manga Kyonyu Dragon on which this is based, nor have I seen any of Takao Nakano’s other films such as Sexual Parasite: Killer Pussy, Sumo Vixens or ExorSister (I couldn’t make those titles up), and I am of course entirely unfamiliar with the work of AV stars Sola Aoi and Risa Kasumi (cough, ahem, etc.); yet there is a very distinct familiarity about this movie. If you saw the original trailer when it came online a few months back, then you’ve pretty much seen Big Tits Zombie. Indeed, if you’ve seen any of the innumerable similar DV splatter movies to come out of Japan these last few years, then you’ve pretty much seen Big Tits Zombie. Perhaps even more so, if you saw that American DV splatter movie from a couple of years back, Zombie Strippers, then you’ve pretty much seen Big Tits Zombie (strippers bitching about one another; doing battle with the living dead; one particularly sexy death-obsessed Goth… ).
Does that mean there’s no fun to be had here? Not at all. It’s all a matter of what you expect going in. If you’re foolish enough to anticipate the next horror masterpiece, of course you will be let down. On the other hand, if you’re after a quick blast of something silly, splattery and sexy, then Big Tits Zombie may well be to your liking. But like I said of Piranha 3D, the issue is not whether the movie is trashy, but whether it’s trashy enough. So it is here. We go in expecting a movie that delivers on the silliness, splatter and sexiness; but does Big Tits Zombie necessarily deliver on all fronts? Let’s break it down list-style.
1) Silliness – absolutely. It’s pretty much a given that this movie would be up to its bulging eyeballs in absurdity. We’ve got ludicrous plot devices, grotesque caricaturish characters, inane dialogue, and special effects that make no effort whatsoever to convince; witness the bizarre mutation with extraneous appendages held up on clearly visible strings. And while, alas, the screening I attended at London’s Prince Charles Cinema was not in 3D, I have no doubt that the 3D is every bit as naff; after all, they’re using the old-fashioned red and green specs, rather than all that new fangled Real-D business. And of course, all this lo-fi ridiculousness is entirely deliberate; brings a certain air of the ‘real’ back to cinema, in the face of the overly slick and polished big budget fare we’re so accustomed to from Hollywood.
2) Splatter – well, this ties in with the previous insofar as the bloodshed on show never in any respect strives for Savini-esque realism. As such, it’s probably to be expected that a hell of a lot of it is CG blood; that such effects are entirely unconvincing is rather the point. Once again, the effects may be crappy, but they’re crappy on purpose. They do raise a smile, however, and that’s far more important. Heads are sliced and lopped, open arteries spray like lawn sprinklers, suspiciously sausage-like internal organs spill out here and there.
3) Sexiness – now, given the presence of the words ‘Big Tits’ in the title, this may well be where the viewer is most likely to feel short changed. If you will pardon a spot of sexist objectification: these ladies may be quite busty by Japanese standards (and naturally so, thank you very much), but any Russ Meyer devotees are unlikely to see their expectations met. More significantly, there is very, very little nudity here. Whereas it felt like about a third of Zombie Strippers was devoted to the exotic dancer ensemble doing their thing, the dance sequences here are extremely fleeting and involve no disrobing whatsoever, with only a couple of brief bare chest moments popping up (or rather, popping out) elsewhere. Yes, Sola Aoi, Risa Kasumi, and Mari Sakurai all look gorgeous, are scantily clad, and have cameras pointing directly up their arses and/or down their cleavages for the duration, but when a movie is sold largely on sex, it’s sure to infuriate the audience somewhat when it doesn’t deliver. After all, it only takes a few seconds online to locate clips of the same ladies showing a great deal more skin and getting up to much saucier stuff than they do here. Or so I would assume. Cough, ahem, etc.
All this considered, I can’t really give Big Tits Zombie a glowing recommendation, but I can’t exactly badmouth it too much either. The relative lack of nudity aside, it delivers pretty much everything you’d expect, and as it’s barely 75 minutes long it certainly can’t be accused of outstaying its welcome. Wait until after dark, load up on your intoxicant of choice, and slot it in the pile with a few other midnight movies, and you’ll have a laugh for sure.
Big Tits Zombie is released to R2 DVD on 11th October, with both 3-D and 2-D versions available.
New UK Trailer:
