True Blood Recap, Episode 3.10
by Britt Hayes
**Warning – Spoilers below!**
After last week’s stellar and darkly humorous conclusion and only three episodes left, things are getting pretty messy on True Blood.
But first they get a little silly as we open on Bill finally telling Sookie what she is. Acting as the voice of the audience, Sookie says, “I’m a faerie?! How fucking lame!” Yes, Sookie, it’s pretty fucking lame. As Bill explains, a faerie coupled with one of her female ancestors, and as is common with faeries, it was most likely against the human’s will. Rape! Now with 20% more magic!
Of course Sookie still needs protecting (I thought the point of telling her she was a faerie was so she could protect herself?) because her blood is something of a rare commodity. Bill explains that Sookie’s blood is special because faerie blood is very attractive to supernatural creatures. It’s also common mythology among supernaturals that faeries were wiped out by vampires. Basically, her blood is very tasty and she may be the last of a somewhat extinct race.
At Merlotte’s, Tara and Jason rush to cover up the Franklin goo. While Jason deals with murder-flashbacks, Tara spits on Franklin’s remains in a melodramatic oversell. Meanwhile, Jesus and Lafayette are taking Crystal’s dad to the hospital, but as the clock runs out, Lafayette makes an executive decision to stop at his house for some V, which will heal the dying man. This is just the first of many real-world societal allusions in this episode. This one clearly correlates to our use of drugs as medicine – namely marijuana, and the experiments that have proven MDMA as medicinally sound. Drugs are taboo, and in the world of True Blood, V is just a drug; sadly, while V clearly works at healing people instantaneously, society at large can’t move past the stigmas it’s been saddled with and will never accept its use as a healing tool.
Over at Casa de Sam, Sam is reflecting on his former life as a thief, where he used his shifting abilities to rob banks and vaults. Turns out Sam was swindled by a pretty lady and her con-man boyfriend. This story won’t end well, but it’s nice to finally get an idea about Sam’s past and understand why he’s so protective of Tommy.
Bill has to convince Sookie his love for her is legit and his attraction isn’t purely based on her blood. I was sort of hoping his attraction was purely blood-related and he’d finally come to his senses and leave her needy ass, but instead he continues to indulge her.
Over at Fangtasia, Eric is having a lawyer draw up a will in case Russell kills him, bestowing all of his money, belongings, and land-holdings to Pam. Yvetta, the young lady we saw Eric pile-driving earlier this season in Fangtasia’s basement is none too happy about being left out of the will. Eric does us a favor and calls her a gold-digging whore.
Crystal’s dad is revived by the V, but isn’t thrilled that two gay dudes drugged him with vampire blood. Crystal runs after her father, and he tells her no human could love her if they knew what she really was. The guess-the-supernatural being games this season are pretty lackluster. Crystal decides she’s tired of the meth and arranged marriage, and her father disowns her. Good. Maybe we can finally get somewhere with her story.
Bill watches Sookie sleep as Nan Flanagan hits the news, denouncing Russell Edgington as an extremist and a terrorist, and compares him to Dahmer. Eric comes over for a visit to discuss Sookie’s powers with Bill. Bill verifies that Sookie’s blood lets vampires walk in the sunlight, but only for a moment. Eric thinks Sophie-Anne will be pretty upset. His remark indicates that perhaps the Vampire Queen’s motive with Sookie is rooted in her desire to sunbathe. Bill and Eric start sexy bickering – Bill thinks Eric’s appearance is suspect because he murdered Talbot and Russell must surely be after him, and Eric insinuates that Bill’s season 1 arrival in Bon Temps was dictated by the Queen, and not a simple return to his human home, as Bill would have everyone believe. Sookie interrupts the conversation, predictably, and suddenly seems to think that she’s untouchable because she knows what she is. Wake up, Sookie. Faeries are silly and just being aware of what you are doesn’t instantly make you more powerful if you don’t understand your powers.
As Eric turns to leave he fishes for sympathy, obviously: “I won’t be around much longer anyway.” And with that statement, Eric is every goth kid I went to high school with.
Closing time at Merlotte’s finds Jessica and Tommy scrubbing floors while Arlene watches our old friend Reverend Steve Newlin preach on TV about the evils of vampires. Arlene mouths off to Jessica, and Jess finally stands up for herself, holding Arlene against a wall and telling her to knock it the fuck off. Tommy, impressed with the quiet Jessica’s outburst, takes this moment to hit on her and tell her that he thinks her fangs are hot. Luckily, Jessica seems keenly aware of Tommy’s skeaze status. I wonder if vampires can get STD’s or if their natural immunity covers that?
Hoyt decides it’s time to break up with Summer, but she keeps trying to pull her boobs out and relinquish her virginity. It’s at this point I remembered how cute I think Hoyt is.
Back at Jason’s house, Jason and Tara show up after cleaning up the Franklin mess, but it’s Bill and Sookie drama as usual. Forget the fact that your best friend and brother are covered in blood, Sookie, because your problems are always more important. Seriously, no one makes mention of the blood all over Jason and Tara. Have these things become normal? Someone needs to be brave in this group and break free. Maybe make some new friends? I think these are the waterfalls TLC warned us about.
Later on, after a tiff with Bill, Jason hears a window break and runs to investigate. He finds….a mountain cat? Jaguar?…which then morphs into Crystal. So…she and her family are were-cats or shifters or who knows. This tiny hick town has a disproportionate amount of mystical creatures.
Oh, and Tara is bitchy and melodramatic as usual. Is there a support group for hating her?
In the Oliver Stone-drug-trip portion of the episode, Jesus and Lafayette decide to take some V together and travel through time. We see Jesus’ grandmother was a witch who put egg yolks on women’s navels to make them pregnant. Lafayette’s ancestors were also witches who specialized in conjuring things. Maybe Lafayette can conjure a boyfriend who won’t take himself so seriously and harsh his buzz? Then we meet another relative of Jesus – an evil-looking sorcerer, who screams and scares Lafayette and Jesus into sobering up and waking from their drug trip.
At Merlotte’s, new waitress Holly tries to give Sam some herbs to calm his “rage” and reveals that she’s Wiccan. Oddly, this doesn’t set Arlene off about evil, and instead she finally tells Terry the baby is Rene’s. Terry vows to raise the baby as his own. Like we’d expect anything less from him.
Jason admits to Sookie that he killed Eggs, and she thinks he needs to tell Tara because lying is worse than not telling her, especially if she finds out from someone else later. I disagree. Bon Temps is a tiny town. Someone would have told Tara already; regardless, Andy is the only one who knows besides Jason. Oh wait, when Sookie said “someone else” she meant herself and her big mouth. Jason goes to talk to Tara, where she has the typical mental breakdown, cries at him, and then tries to make out with him. She apologizes and Jason tells her he shot Eggs. Awesome come back. Next time someone I don’t like in “that way” tries to make out with me, I’ll just tell them I killed their beloved pet.
At Bill’s house, Jessica is alone and someone sets a cross on fire in her front yard. She runs outside to find graffiti hate-messages and Bill convinces her to let it go. They live in the south. That’s not a hate crime – that’s a Friday night.
Over in snoozeville, Sam is still recalling his past. After being conned by the hot blonde and her lover, Sam shifted into a dog and followed them to the woods. After a ridiculous altercation with naked Sam, he accidentally shoots the blonde, and then purposely shoots her boyfriend. Sam feels guilty. Sam smash.
Eric visits Sookie in a dream, tells her she has feelings for him, and that she shouldn’t trust Bill. Sookie runs off to Fangtasia to see Eric and discuss what she is and why it’s so important. Good question, Sook. If the only coveted thing about you is your blood, and the only magical property about that is letting vampires walk in the sun for 60 seconds, you really aren’t any different than you were before. Eric says if he doesn’t kiss Sookie before meeting the “true death”, it will be his biggest regret. Not really, dude. You’ll be dead. I doubt you’ll be doing much cognizant thinking.
And then Eric and Sookie kiss. For real. And it’s….not much different than them kissing in her dreams, but I am acutely aware of the lack of tongue this time around. Thankfully, Pam comes in and makes things interesting again by demanding that Eric use Sookie to get to Russell, and if he won’t let her die, he still needs to figure out a way to use her to his advantage. This show could use more Pam.
Russell picks up a gay hooker who sorta kinda looks like Talbot if you squint and drink a gallon of vodka. He gets naked with fake Talbot and pretends he’s saying his goodbyes to real Talbot before stabbing fake hooker Talbot in the chest with a stake.
Hoyt shows up at Merlotte’s to get Jessica back but she’s still struggling with the idea that she’s good enough for him. That girl really has no idea how attractive she is. She could own that town. Hoyt senses Jessica’s reticence and leaves the bar, only to be followed by Tommy in dog form, who attacks him. Jessica runs out and throws Tommy-dog into the woods, then makes Hoyt drink her blood to heal. It’s pretty sexy. Back inside, Arlene goes to Holly to ask her for a non-abortiony way to make her un-pregnant.
The episode ends at Fangtasia, where Eric locks Sookie up in the basement with a metal collar. Best. Decision. Ever. Now if we could just get rid of Tara or give her a lobotomy, that’d be great.
