What Were They Thinking? ‘Quarantine 2: Terminal’ Sounds Inexplicably Worse than Ever Imaginable
by Marc Patterson
I just read the official plot synopsis for Quarantine 2 and it’s got me scratching my head.
What were they thinking?
Were they even thinking anything at all? Who comes up with this stuff? Let’s talk shall we?
First – I applaud Lightning Entertainment for taking a step away from the story of [REC] and expanding the universe. Not that I think it’s necessarily a good idea, but more to the point that it really WOULD have been dumb to see just another shot for shot remake. But here’s where things start to get questionable. First off, the studio hires John Pogue to write the script and direct. Who the fuck is John Pogue? I don’t even want to get into it. But I will. Let’s just say that Quarantine 2 will be his first round in the directors chair (so he gets the immunity idol on this skillset). However, I sure as hell can bash him for writing some shitty ass screenplays, which include all three of The Skulls films as well as Ghost Ship, which in spite of its fantastic first five minutes, was otherwise perfectly forgettable.
Good – so we have some proven talent in the seat. At least we can still say “sequels suck” and mean it. But let’s get off Pogue for a moment and talk about this “official synopsis”. First take a moment and read it:
Quarantine 2: Terminal picks up later that night (after the events of the first film transpired) at LAX, as passengers board a flight to Nashville. When a passenger becomes violently ill with a mysterious rabies-like virus, the plane makes an emergency landing at a large metropolitan airport. Jenny (Mercedes Masohn), a heroic yet inexperienced flight attendant, takes charge of the safety of her passengers. Relieved when a swarm of heavily equipped emergency vehicles, police units and the CDC arrive, Jenny and the passengers soon discover that they have been quarantined and are now trapped. Desperate to escape, Jenny enlists the help of one of the surviving passengers, a kindergarten teacher, Henry (Josh Cooke), to devise a plan to survive.
To the positive – I enjoy the homonym use going on here – “Terminal” as in airport. “Terminal” as in fatal disease. Nice touch. But that’s it.
The sequel assumes that all events from the first film are wrapped up tightly. I’d go so far as to say the two films will be so totally unrelated that you won’t even need to have seen the first film in order to watch this new installment. In Quarantine our heroes had an entire building to explore and move through. In this new film we have first class and coach. That is unless we tap the baggage compartment. Boring ass setting if you ask me. I’m sure the film will play on the tired and worn out cliche of airplane terrorism. Clever subplot if it were five years ago. A little overdone now. To ensure the audience keeps watching they put Mercedes Masohn front and center. Sure she’s easy on the eyes, but she’s no Debra Morgan… errr… Jennifer Carpenter.
Then as the “What were they thinking” killer to end all they include a kindergarten teacher as the vulnerable male counterpart who is going to have to step up to help save the day. Josh Cooke actually would make a good kindergarten teacher, but battling these crazy infected? I don’t know. What’s he going to do? Read them Goldilocks and the Three Zombies? Sit them down for arts and crafts with popsicle sticks? Have you actually met kindergarten teachers? Seriously folks… soft hands, soft hearts. It’d been cute if it were a girl in that part, counter to a guy pilot or something equally cliche, but oh boy… a guy?
So no… you’re not going to be hearing much about this film from us, until it’s time for an official review. “Promising” is one thing this sequel is not.
