Slash & Dine: Phantasm’s Falafel Sphere’s of Death

Posted on March 6, 2010 by Deaditor 8 Comments

by Shannon Bucaro

Now that I just woke up from my February induced sugar coma is it summer yet? I know, who asks that question in March?  But I fear if I see another 15 inches of snow my head might spin and green junk may come flying out of my mouth Exorcist style. Sexy isn’t it? So yes, March, my car is up to the doors with snow and my heating bill is still wickedly way too high. For the sake of me not scaring any more children as I’m outside with my 12-inch shovel cursing the world can we maybe work a deal out here or something? Anything…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete hater, two totally awesome events come out of the month of March. For one, hellooo!  Can we all say Saint Patrick’s Day?! Now I will be the first to admit I was not always a believer of the greatness of this holiday. Yes my name is Shannon.  However, that’s about as Irish as I get. There is no Irish blood in these veins, and my name is what you would call an attempt from my mother to be “different”. Honestly I’m surprised they let her live after that one, but that’s a whole different story. Oh, and despite what you all may think, I can’t down a pint of Guinness and I look horrible in the color green. Sorry if I busted your bubble on that one.

So now I’m sure you’re all wondering why someone who loves pizza and hates idiots would love Saint Patrick’s Day so much? It’s simple you see; this is the absolute best day of the year for people watching! Who on earth can say they don’t love some people watching? Especially if you’re like me, and come from a city where the Irish parade was indefinitely cancelled last year due to violence! Come 10 A.M. my butt is parked in the window of my salon just waiting for all the fools to stumble off the train with their crazy hats and drool hanging out of their mouths. I feel like a kid in a candy store just thinking about it. As I’m sure Saint Patty’s Day will not disappoint this year, nor will the morning after, which will surely provide me with many “walks of shame” to laugh at. I’m so giddy right now I can barely contain myself!

As scary as it may be, there actually is something that March has brought me that excites me more than stupid hats and drunken fools.

Well maybe I should say Mr. Don Coscarelli has brought me, for whom I like to pretend was solely me, in the month of March.  If you haven’t guessed already, it’s one of my all time absolute favorite movies, Phantasm. Phantasm is a movie that a lot of people love but just can’t pinpoint why. Either that, or a lot of people think it’s just weird but love it anyways. For me I think Don Coscarelli was a straight up OG with this brilliant movie. I mean the man really was a jack-of-all-trades on this one! He wrote, produced, directed, was the DP, the editor and I’m sure swept floors and ran for coffee and donuts too. He was one determined man and if you ask me it paid off.

Did you all know this movie was awarded an X rating FOUR TIMES because of the sphere killings? Coscarelli went all the way to the head of the ratings board that eventually overturned it, gave it an R rating, AND allowed him to keep in his gore scenes! Talk about a man with some cojones! Also, can we please talk about the epicness that is the character “The Tall Man”? All that man had to do was stare at me through the TV screen with his beady little eyes, and I felt like he was burning a hole through my soul! (Quickly scans apartment for Jawa like creatures)

Geez, now I feel like one of those drunken fools drooling all over themselves just thinking about this movie. Meh, oh well.  In about 5 more minutes I’m going to be drooling all over these killer falafel spheres anyway. So I guess we will just call this Pre-gaming. It’s no secret; eating bad Falafel can feel alot like having a sharp sphere fly into your skull. That is why I am here to prove to you all that Falafel can be deadly, deadly good to your tastes buds that is. So I will leave you with words of wisdom from the Tall Man, and a recipe guaranteed not to induce blood loss or give you a splitting headache: “You play a good game boy, but the game is finished, now you die.”

You will need:

  • 1 (15 ounce) can chickpeas (garbanzo beans) completely drained
  • 1 medium sized onion
  • ½ cup fresh parsley
  • 3 garlic cloves
  • 1 egg
  • 2 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 1 teaspoon ground coriander
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 dash of pepper
  • ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
  • ¼ teaspoon cinnamon
  • 2 tablespoons flour
  • ½ teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 cup whole wheat bread crumbs
  • Vegetable oil or peanut oil for frying

Then you:

In a large bowl mash chickpeas until thick and pasty; don’t use a blender because this will make them to thin. (putting them in a zip lock bag and rolling them with a rolling pin works well too)

In a blender or food processor, combine garlic, parsley, and coarsely chopped onion until green and smooth. Prepare to cry during this step haha. Stir this in with your mashed chickpeas.

In a small bowl combine egg, flour, baking powder, cumin, coriander, salt, lemon juice, olive oil, pepper, cayenne pepper, and cinnamon. Then add to chickpea mixture.

Slowly add the cup of bread crumbs to mixture. Mixture should not be super sticky but will hold together. Then cover bowl and refrigerate for ½ hour.

Shape the batter into 1 ½ inch balls and then flatten into 2 inch diameter patties. In a large pan heat about ½ inch of oil on medium heat. Test the oil by throwing in a pinch of batter; if the oil immediately bubbles up it is ready, however if your patties turn black very fast your heat is to high.

Cook one test patty to get the feel for it then add the others but don’t crowd the pan up. You are going to cook them for about 2 minutes each side until they are golden brown then transfer them to a napkin to cool.

Now if you’re anything like me you must eat your falafel in pita bread, with red onion, lettuce, and a super delicious cucumber sauce. So let me give you a peak into my super secret sauce (I know that sounds dirty, but then again all good things do)

You will need:

  • 6 ounce container of plain Greek yogurt
  • ½ cucumber finely chopped
  • 1 tomato cut in half and gutted, then finely chopped
  • 1 teaspoon dried dill weed
  • 1 tablespoon mayonnaise
  • salt and pepper to taste

Then you combine everything together in a bowl and chill for at least 30 minutes and you’re set! Now let’s eat and find out who is the lucky winner of February’s contest in the video below!!

The winner can email Shannon: kitchencrusader at yahoo dot com. And be sure to check out IDM Photography’s Blog by clicking here.

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  • Sammy says:

    Hahaha… I’m so glad you picked a winner to Manowar.

  • Bianca says:

    I love Phantasm and I love Falafel. Perfect!

  • Lisa says:

    cute as usual..and I want you to make this for me…

    also..should I note how cute you look in that Rose AND the Hello Kitty note paper is a nice touch? (where did these things come from…one wonders??) xo

  • Marc says:

    I just want to say… These look SOOOO fuckin’ good. Seriously. I’ll be making some here very soon. And I can’t believe you can’t drink the Guinness. That stuff goes down like milk. Oh – and if you think it’s odd that you were stuck with an Irish name I will tell you that even though I’m Irish my kid was stuck with an Italian name – Rocco. It happens.

  • Marc says:

    Oh and I would add that even if you don’t OWN Phantasm… it is available through Netflix as an Instant film. So make up some Falafels, boot up the computer and get down and dirty with Phantasm:

  • Thanks Shannon!! I sent all my contact info to your e-mail address.

  • Shannon says:

    Sammy- I did Manowar completely with you in mind, because that’s what I envision playing in the background as you stepped off the plane.

    Bianca- I’m starting a rule, Phantasm can only be watched while eating falafel. It can be our secret underground gang…kinda like fight club.

    Lisa- What can I say, everyone should have a little Lisa in their lives. Maybe we’ll make them together that way we can both cry at the onion part and then make fun of eachother.

    Marc- I’m coming over and you can cook them for me. Then you can drink some Guinness and I’ll secretly have name envy towards your son.

    Aleata Illusion- Looking forward to getting the book out to you and said photos that follow haha.

  • Chuck says:

    I’m jealous that you have the special edition of Phantasm while I just have the old one without the cool cover *pouts*

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