Happy Birthday to Me. You’re all invited to my party!
Better watch out or Ginny, wait I mean Ann? Yes definitely Ann this time, will slit your… cupcake?

I can’t, I won’t, and yes I out right refuse to do a Valentine’s Day post just because it’s February and apparently the cool thing to do. I would rather be shackled to a pine tree and forced to watch the Notebook again before I dare write anything supporting mushy love. It’s true. I am a bitter shell of a person and I wouldn’t change that for all the cupcakes and brains in the world.

Now don’t get me wrong, February does have its redeeming qualities. Well ok, maybe I lied. Maybe February only has one redeeming quality, and said redeeming quality I’m really kind of biased on because well it’s my birthday. (It’s the 13th incase you all were wondering the day the magic began) So with that said, why on earth would I want to make everyone else suffer through this wretched month alone? Yes it’s true, I have decided to lend out my birthday to all my favorite brain eating bakers out there to celebrate as their own. I would even love to give one of you lucky readers a pretty gnarly gift. Yes you read that correctly, it’s contest time! See February is on the ups already (Make sure you check out the video below to find out how to enter!)

Now I know what you all are thinking: Valentine’s Day bashing, birthday sharing, an awesome contests, but aren’t you only three paragraphs in? Isn’t that much goodness grouped together capable of making the world end far before 2012? Really now, how could this column possibly get any better?! Well you see that’s easy, because this is were I tell you all the go watch Happy Birthday to Me and make strawberry shortcake cupcakes that look like Ginny’s father’s throat spewing blood at the party table. Duh silly!

If you have never seen this 1980’s slasher film, directed by J. Lee Thompson, then you must have a giant void in your life. Most would agree that they have always had a special soft spot in their heart for this movie. Then in their next breath, most would agree that Happy Birthday to Me is a movie suffering from a pretty bad personality disorder, mixed with some of the worst daddy issues you will ever see. Don’t believe me?

Poor little Ginny, no one came to her birthday. Better yet, no one really likes her either. Not even her daddy, because let’s face it she was the child of adultery. Wah Wah, maybe she should just go kill everyone! Huh…Wait…I’m confused? Maybe Ginny isn’t the psycho killer after all? My golly, I think I’ve figured it out this time! It has to be one of the popular “Top 10” trying to up their rankings by doing away with the others. It really has to be! Umm hold on, never mind, Ginny must be the killer; I just saw her jam a stick threw someone’s throat. Ok ok, Ginny is definitely the killer this time. I’m sure of it, I mean after all we’re now at a scene of her 18th birthday and all her friends are dead at the table, including her doctor. Oh and look who decided to show up this time, Daddy! Ginny must be so happy. Wow, forget it, Ginny just slit daddy’s throat. So I guess all is right with the world and the madness can end now. Wait someone else is alive? So why does that girl look like Ginny too? Umm, why did killer Ginny’s face just peel off like dried glue? Umm, so you mean Ann who was one of the “Top 10” was really wearing a Ginny disguise in order to frame poor Ginny for the murders? Ginny and Ann are really sisters both with equally disturbing daddy issues? That’s just plain rude, and now my brain hurts.

Did that confuse you all? I guarantee you the movie will be worse. It’s ok though, because what you’re going to do is learn how to make these killer cupcakes, and when this scene rolls around have one ready to shove in your mouth to prevent yourself from screaming at the TV, and another ready to throw at whatever you see fit at the moment. Just keep in mind, you get an extra 10 bonus points for nailing Ginny’s dad in the face.

Lets get baking!

To make the strawberry mixture you will need:

2 cups sliced strawberries
1/3 cup granulated sugar

Then you put sliced strawberries and sugar in a medium sized bowl, stir until sugar and strawberries are well combined and then let sit for 30 minutes. You will start to see some of the juice coming out and strawberries will slightly shrink.

To make the batter you will need:

(makes 12 cupcakes)
2/3 cup whole milk
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
4 eggs
1 1/3 cups granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Then you:

1. Preheat over to 350F. Make sure to line your tin with cupcake liners but don’t use your cute ones because you will be throwing them out as soon as cupcakes are baked

2. Heat milk in a medium pan over low heat just until it is hot

3. Sift flour, baking powder, and salt into a medium bowl and then set aside

4. In large bowl beat eggs and sugar until thickened and lightened to a cream color, about 3 minutes

5. Quickly mix in the vanilla extract

6. On low speed mix in the flour mixture until it is just incorporated. Be careful not to over mix or you will have sad sunken cupcakes

7. Slowly add the hot milk and continue mixing for about 30 seconds, the batter will be thin

8. Fill each paper liner in your cooking pan with ½ cup of batter (These bad boys rise and expand a lot)

9. Bake just until the top feels firm, about 16 minutes

To make whipped cream you will need:

3 cups heavy whipping cream
¼ powdered sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract

Then you combine all into a large bowl and mix until everything thickens and soft peaks start to form.

Assembly time:
1. Slice each cupcake in half horizontally

2. Spoon some strawberries onto the bottom half of the cupcake and then replace the top part.

3. Spoon some whipped cream on the top and garnish with 1 of the chunks of strawberries

1….2…..STUFF YOUR FACE!

Now for the details on that contest…