DVD Review: InAlienable

Posted on February 14, 2010 by Deaditor

InAlienable (2008)
Studio:
Starz/Anchor Bay
Release Date: January 26, 2010
Directed By:
Robert Dyke
Cast: Richard Hatch, Courtney Peldon, Walter Koenig, Erick Avari & Bradley Laise.
Review By: Annie Riordan

Okay kids, it’s arts and crafts time! Your materials: a leftover rubber facehugger alien from Giger’s workshop, some scraps from the editing room floor of E.T., a naked babydoll, a day’s worth of garbage from a sushi kitchen and a pallet load of Maybelline’s natural ivory foundation. Your task: make a movie. Hey, it’s not impossible. As proof, I offer InAlienable, a film cheesier than a Kraft dairy farm and far more likable than it has any right to be.

Following the tragic death of his estranged wife and young son in a car accident, Dr. Eric Norris has buried himself in his research, jabbing lab monkey’s in the ass in the hopes of finding a cure for AIDS. Despite the fact that he rather resembles an antique, bipedal catcher’s mitt in dire need of oiling, Eric catches the eye of pretty lab assistant Amanda, a chick who so strongly resembles a From Beyond era Barbara Crampton that it’s difficult – if not outright impossible – to believe that she’s been pining away in lonely dejection for years, waiting for some middle aged lump to take notice of her.

Indeed, Eric’s blind ignorance to Amanda’s inexplicable interest in him might have gone on forever, had it not been for the meteor that hits Earth late one night. When an old friend presents him with a fragment from the fallen star, Eric is less than enthused, tucking the palm-sized stone away with disinterest. But the stone has a definite interest in Eric. Soon after screwing Amanda senseless on their first date, Eric realizes – to his immense horror – that he’s pregnant!

Well, not exactly. An unidentified parasite has burrowed into his flesh and is feeding off of his body. The diagnosis is grim and immediate removal is recommended. But when Eric and Amanda realize that the parasite is also copying his DNA, Eric suddenly becomes fiercely protective of it. Is it a menace, or is it a second chance at fatherhood?

InAlienable might have been better off as an hour long episode of the Outer Limits (the mid-90s version, that is) where its silly special effects and syrupy melodramatic content would have been more forgivable. As a feature length film however, InAlienable seems terribly confused. Does it want to be a sci-fi flick? A comedic spoof? A courtroom drama? It tries to be all of these things and, in doing so, is a bit much to take all in one sitting.

At its worst, it’s preachy, corny and overlong, with a shameless heart-string yanking climax that could very well induce vomiting. But it’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen, and I’m not gonna lie and say that I didn’t find Eric’s alien-spawn, turtle-faced, tentacled “son” just a wee bit cute. Maybe not as cute as the Cthulhu hand puppet I got for my birthday a few years back, but pretty darn close.

Word up to Walter Koenig, InAlienable’s sneeringly evil arch-villain: lay off the pancake make-up, baby. Seriously, whoever applied that shit to your face should be frosting cakes for a living. You looked like a melting candle. Very distracting.

I really don’t know who to recommend this film to. It’s too sex-and-violence to be family friendly and too cutesy to be taken seriously, but not shitty enough to completely ignore. *shrug* Watch it if you wanna. I’m just kinda “meh” about the whole thing.

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