DVD Review: Book of Blood (2008)
Book Of Blood (2008)
Studio: Lionsgate
Release Date: September 22, 2009
Directed By: John Harrison
Cast: Sophie Ward, Jonas Armstrong, Paul Blair, Clive Russell & Doug Bradley.
Review By: Annie Riordan
I try not to read the reviews of others prior to penning my own, thereby reducing the risk of unwanted influences and unconscious plagiarism. However, when I went to IMDb to gather the facts I needed for this film, I couldn’t help but notice one user’s review, which described “Book Of Blood” as “a consistently mediocre film from start to finish.” Truer words ain’t never been spoke, and I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Beginning with the abduction of a seriously scarred young man from a backwater greasy spoon by the hired sociopath sent to kill him, Book Of Blood is the flashback recollection of Simon, a gloomy young University student whose history of psychic phenomena and tight little ass catch the attention of psychology professor Mary Florescu. Mary is a paranormal investigator who has become weary of whispery voices and half-glimpsed shadows. She wants something BIG to prove the existence of life after death, and she believes she can find it in a big old Gothic mansion with a spooky history of demon-conjuring, skin-rippings and murder.
But any good paranormal investigator knows that the likelihood of capturing ghostly activity on tape increases when a trigger object is introduced, and Mary thinks that Simon would be the perfect catalyst. Along with tech specialist Reg, Mary and Simon move into the creepy old house and set up shop, eagerly anticipating a phalanx of phantoms to show up and put on a show so Mary can write a bestselling book and become a gabillionairess.
In their selfish quests to prove their theories and gain fame, the trio have forgotten the cardinal rule of ghost hunting: do not mock the dead. Ever. The dead have stories to tell, and if you won’t listen to them, they’ll be forced to get your attention by any means they deem necessary.
The original short story “Book Of Blood” which kicked off the multi-book collection by Clive Barker, was three or four pages long and infinitely more interesting than this leaden-paced snoozer, filled with listless performances and a story soggier and more dense than a wad of used toilet paper blocking up the U-bend.
Sophie Ward is hot, but she delivers her lines like a smoked-out zombie. Jonas Armstrong gets naked a lot, but he’s not as sexy as the script makes him out to be, nor is he at all interesting or sympathetic. Doug Bradley’s screen time amounts to perhaps thirty seven seconds total and was obviously cast along with Simon Bamford to lure in Barker loyalists. And, hey…where WAS Bamford in this movie? You know, I don’t even remember seeing him, but his name is in the credits so he must have been in there somewhere.
Book of Blood isn’t the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen by any means, but it’s definitely one of the most non-horrific and yawn-inspiring. I could have amused myself more effectively by chewing on drywall or perhaps sorting my socks.
