Slash & Dine – New Year’s Evil Bloody Beer Bread and Garlic Dip
This New Year’s you’re invited to a killer bowl of garlic dip and a bloody batch of beer bread
by Shannon Bucaro
A wise lady once said to me, “Why is it you can’t be a chick and a horror fan unless you’re willing to get naked and show your butt?”
Umm…well considering its barely January and butt showing doesn’t begin until June I figured I should probably just start with my name. Helllllooo fellow horror fanatics, I am Shannon, your new kitchen crusading, zombie loving gore gal. Now I’m sure you’re all just dying to know who the “new girl in class” is. Well to sum it up, I’m the child who wouldn’t shut up unless you put on Killer Clowns from Outer Space. I’m the girl who watched Dr. Giggles and then ran around the house for weeks in a doctor’s mask terrorizing her little brother. Oh and how could I forget, I’m the weirdo whose sole goal in life was to grow up and drive a Pace bus for the city of Chicago. Now if that last statement isn’t horrifying I don’t know what is!
I would like to kick 2010 off by putting all you loyal Natalie followers to ease. In true Natalie fashion I will continue to dazzle everyone with both easy kitchen creations and horror movies guaranteed to make you squeal with delight. I, Shannon, hereby vow to always keep it tasty, trashy, and never focus on the million Saw sequels.
Now onto the main event! It’s a well known fact that I sometimes behave like a child. Anything you ever want me to do will most likely take some type of bribing. The thought of New Years being any different is just plain out silly. No joke, the only way to keep me out of my house past 8 p.m. on a night where the potential of someone puking on my shoes sky rockets is by promising me food. Oh and not just any food will do. I’m a classy dame after all. I demand a killer bowl of garlic dip and unless you want your fingers gnawed on, a bloody batch of beer bread to go with it.
Oh New Year’s, how we wait so patiently for you. You’re an excuse to make resolutions we all know won’t be kept, you’re a reason to kiss strangers and not worry about charges being pressed. Or if you’re me, you’re an excuse to hoard the dip bowl and trick your sloppy drunk friends into watching Emmett Alston’s 1980’s slasher “New Year’s Evil” for the millionth time.
It’s true, I’m an evil genius (pun intended). I dare you to watch the first 10 minutes of this movie and admit you’re not sickenly hooked. From the catchy theme song, laughable kill scenes, all the way to Kip Niven’s bad use of a voice synthesizer, this movie is guaranteed to be the only thing capable of tearing everyone away from this dementedly delightful dip long enough to inappropriately hear you screech out “Just call me Eeeevill” every ten minutes. Some might find this annoying; I’d call you my hero.
For a fresh bloody batch of beer bread you will need:
- 3 Cups self-rising flour
- 1/2 Cup granulated sugar
- 12 Ounces beer (Maybe some extra if you’re feeling frisky, just no Corona or Light beers/I used Fat Tire)
- 1 ½ Tablespoon Red food color (I like Wiltons Red-Red because It’s highly concentrated)
- 2 Tablespoons melted butter *
Preheat the oven to 350°F.
In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, beer and Red food coloring. It is key to make sure you do not over mix. Ingredients should be just combined, and batter will be a sticky texture.
Pour into a 9 x 5 inch greased loaf pan (I use olive oil to grease my pan for a healthier option) and bake for 60 minutes. The top will be firmer, and the insides will be soft and doughy.
* The last 10 minutes of baking remove bread from oven. Melt butter in a separate bowl, and then spread melted butter over the top of the bread. Return bread back to oven and continue to bake for the remaining 10 minutes.
Once the bread is completely done baking make sure to allow it an hour to cool before removing it from the pan. Once fully cooled, cut it into slices, cubes, weird shapes, or whatever your little creative heart desires.
To make a bowl of death by garlic dip you will need:
- 1/2 Teaspoon crushed red pepper
- 1/2 Teaspoon dried parsley
- 3 Tablespoon granulated garlic
- 2 Tablespoon garlic salt
- 3 Tablespoon garlic powder
- 1/3 Cup mayo
- 16 Ounces (1lb) sour cream
Combine all ingredients in a medium sized bowl and mix well. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour before serving.
Now the only thing left to do is sit back and stuff your face. Need help? Let me know because I’m a champion in that department!