Oral Fixation (2009)
Studio: Lifesize
Release Date: October 13, 2009
Directed By: Jake Cashill
Cast: Emily Parker, Kerry Aissa, Aidan Sullivan, Logan Kulick & Chris Kies
Review By: Annie Riordan

I have a freaking awesome dentist. He’s a tiny little Chinese dude with a megawatt smile and a great sense of humor. He and his entire staff have a rare gift for treating their patients like human beings. They’re always in a good mood, they never forget my first name or my personal interests, and always ask after my family. The dentist himself never fails to ask me if I’ve seen any good horror movies lately, as he is fully aware of the fact that I review them. That said, I won’t be recommending Oral Fixation to him anytime soon; not because it sucked, but because I don’t want to scare the guy.

Despite the fact that my personal tooth care provider is so cool, I fucking hate going to the dentist. I would rather go get a pap smear than go under the drill any day. There’s just something so raw and horrifically primal about having the nerve endings in your mouth poked at with sharp silver hooks and high-pitched whining drills. The smell of burning porcelain is excruciating. Just ask Dustin Hoffman.

But young Rachel Marks LOVES going to the dentist. She gets her teeth cleaned at least once a week and isn’t above gouging her molars out of her head with a pair of pliers to get some emergency care. Her dentist, Dr. Paul McNeil, is aware of the fact that Rachel is a tad whacko, but doesn’t realize just how dangerously obsessed she is until she starts calling him at home, demanding to see him. Paul’s wife, who has already suffered through one humiliating extramarital affair, suspects her husband of cheating once more and seemingly has her suspicions confirmed when Paul is caught kissing a half naked Rachel in his office. Paul insists he’s innocent, that Rachel is stalking him and threw herself (and her huge, scary, pendulous boobs) at him unexpectedly.

Paul’s version of events are corroborated by a strange man who shows up at the house one night, claiming to be a private investigator. Rachel, it seems, has done this before. Furthermore, Rachel’s name isn’t even Rachel. The man warns Paul and his wife that Rachel is homicidal, having slaughtered an entire family after being rejected by the focus of her warped affections. There’s also a thin subplot about daddy having been a mad scientist who tinkered with Rachel’s chemical make-up, swapping pain for pleasure and somethingsomething, blahblahblah.

The unnecessary, tacked on back story isn’t the film’s only flaw. There’s also some bad acting, overlong scenes that feel like obvious padding, and the totally ridiculous failure of the characters to call the fucking cops.

But that said, Oral Fixation does the best it can with what it has. Feed Bag Boobs aside, Emily Parker is a lot of fun as the bug eyed, psychotic Rachel, by turns funny, frightening and so goddamned unrelentingly weird that you’ll want to kill her yourself. She is the undisputed star of this film, swiping the whole shebang out from under the rest of the cast, who dwindle to backdrop status in the wake of her mania.

Oral Fixation is a sort of Frankenstein monster, sewn together with the discarded scraps of such films as Fatal Attraction, Little Shop Of Horrors, and Marathon Man. It’s a sloppy homunculus to be sure, but an entertaining one nevertheless.

Brutal As Hell Rating: 2 & 1/2 out of 5