by Marc Patterson

In probably the most bizarre news story of the week, perhaps even dominating in the WTF dept over last weeks announcement that ‘Let Me In’ would be renamed to ‘Fish Head’, comes news that Sylvester Stallone is hellbent on making an Edgar Allan Poe biopic. Yeah go ahead, take a moment and read that again.

According to Empire Online Stallone has a passion for the gothic stylings of Poe.  Stallone is quoted stating that he has no intention of playing Poe, “Of course, I’m not playing Poe. ‘Yo, Poe!’ It won’t work! It’ll be some young actor because he dies at 39, but it’s gonna happen.”  Well, I guess we can let out a sigh of relief on that one.  But what can we expect?  Stallone’s most poignant directorial effort to date would have to be his latest Rocky film, Rocky Balboa.  Because who WOULDN’T shed a tear for the aging boxer as he once again steps in the ring to prove his worth to the world.  Oh wait, maybe I got that confused with The Wrestler. Which one had Marisa Tomei stripping? Oh yeah… nevermind.

Oddly enough, the biggest challenge the Italian Stallion might be up against isn’t Apollo Creed, or some young whipper snapper like Mason ‘The Line’ Dixon. Stallone has yet to convince his producer Ari Lerner to make the film.  Since I can’t lay it out any better than Stallone himself I’ll let him have the honor.  Stallone tells Empire Online, ”I keep telling my producer Avi Lerner, ‘Make Edgar Allan Poe!’ He says, ‘Does he have a gun?’ ‘No, he doesn’t have a gun’, ‘Can he throw a knife?’ I say, ‘No, he writes poetry!’

Nuff said.