by Britt Hayes

Myspace released a teaser trailer for the Platinum Dunes (house of Michael Bay) produced remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street last night at midnight. The remake is directed by Samuel Bayer (director of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” video), written by the team of Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer, and follows in the Platinum Dunes tradition of bringing back beloved horror icons and….doing something with them.

Thus far, Platinum Dunes has had a bumpy track record with bringing these characters back. Their Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake was okay, until the end when Jessica fucking Biel bests Leatherface. In what world does this happen? In the original, I recall Sally getting away, but she didn’t chop off Leatherface’s arm, she just out ran him, which is far more believable than the chick from 7th Heaven getting the best of Leatherface. Some may argue with me, but I thought Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning was better. It was more original, and had more depth to it. Not that I’m particularly looking for depth in my gore fests, but the first 20 minutes or so of the movie are pretty dark and grimy. Maybe I lowered my expectations for the prequel, and maybe my expectations were too high for the remake.

Next, Platinum Dunes tackled Jason Voorhees. I can’t say that I absolutely loved Friday the 13th, Dunes-style, but it’s here that they really established that they have a look and feel. I loved the beginning of the Friday the 13th movie – how it integrated the first film with their own agenda – but I felt the kills lacked the classic Jason imagination; however, I did enjoy that Jason was more of an outdoorsy type. I’m a bit back and forth on this movie. There’s things I love and things I don’t.

And now we have A Nightmare on Elm Street, which hits theaters April of 2010. This teaser has been seriously long-awaited, especially after the news that Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen, Little Children) would be bringing his acting chops to the character of Freddy Krueger. It’s not something easy to pull off. For years, the image of Freddy Krueger has had that instant brand recognition behind it, not only because of the costume (striped sweater, fedora, metal claw), but because of Robert Englund and his classic portrayal of the killer. After the first couple of movies, Freddy started getting a bit comedic, throwing out puns and one-liners. For those of us who grew up with this character, it all became part of the package.

To be honest, I’ve been hoping that in this film, the writers stay away from Freddy being “funny”. In the teaser below, Freddy seems far from hilarious. I don’t know that I’m 100% sold on the Platinum Dunes take, but here’s my list of Pros and Cons, based on the teaser and other information I’ve gathered thus far:

Pros:

• Jackie Earle Haley, who demonstrates effectively in the trailer why he is perfect for this role. He brings some serious gravity to the character. In those opening scenes, my heart is actually racing.
• The look is gritty without feeling obvious. I think Samuel Bayer may have been the perfect choice. And what are these scenes with snow and white? Intriguing.
• This film looks like a faithful adaptation, except we get to see what happened to Krueger.
• Kyle Gallner. Where most girls fawn over that sparkly vampire from the film which shall not be named, I fawn over Kyle Gallner. I strongly disliked The Haunting in Conneticut, but I loved him in it. After seeing him in Jennifer’s Body, I’m even further sold. This kid is fucking cute. Just as men get scream queens to drool over, it’s about time us ladies had a foxy man in horror to giggle about. He’s so darn pretty! Proof:
• Clancy Brown! He’s one of the parents in the opening scene from the teaser, which I am going to guess is the opening scene from the film.
• Freddy’s burns look realistic, not rubber. This is what a real burn victim would look like, if they lived through the roasting Freddy got. I’m a major supporter of practical make-up effects, so seeing that Platinum Dunes didn’t go overboard or use CG on his face makes me absolutely giddy. Freddy’s face in this looks sick. I love it.
• Wesley Strick, one of the writers, also wrote the screenplay for 1991′s Cape Fear, directed by Martin Scorsese. Writer Eric Heisserer hasn’t written anything except an episode of Stranger Adventures, some show from 2006. Fresh ideas, people.

Cons:

• Writer Wesley Strick also wrote Wolf, Doom, and Glass House 2 (there was a sequel to that abomination?!?!). This does not bode well for Mr. Strick, but who knows? Maybe he saved up all his good ideas for this project. Eric Heisserer hasn’t written anything except an episode of the aforementioned show in 2006. It’s hard to trust someone with no track record.
• This is Platinum Dunes, and they aren’t very consistent. I can’t even say I liked one film and didn’t like another. Instead, I feel like I’ve liked and disliked things in every film. This is either a case of too many cooks in the kitchen, script-wise, or just a poor choice in collaborators overall. I’m scared, and the movie hasn’t even started yet.
• Jackie Earle Haley’s voice as Krueger. There’s something….fake about it. Yes, he’s an actor, yes, they make up fake voices. But it sounds fake. Maybe I need to hear more of it, or see the film to appreciate it as a whole, in context. Or maybe I’m just used to Robert Englund. Look, I don’t want to be used to that voice. I don’t want to walk into this remake with preconceived notions about what it should or shouldn’t be, but it is a remake, and there is no getting around that, especially when dealing with a character so ingrained in the contemporary pop culture consciousness.
• The opening scene almost makes Krueger sympathetic. He shouldn’t be sympathetic. Then again, every one of these Platinum Dunes horror films has a common thread: I really don’t give a shit when the kids die. There is nothing likable about them or anything they do. So perhaps they’re making Krueger the sympathetic character, in which case no audience member has to feel bad about not feeling upset that an obnoxious teenage stereotype just got gutted, literally and figuratively. That would be rather clever, but I don’t know that it would make for a good movie. At that point, you’re just watching people die for the sake of dying on a familiar plot back drop.

Watch the teaser below and decide for yourselves:

A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD

A Nightmare on Elm Street in HD