Sorority Row (2009)
Studio: don’t know, sorry!
Release Date: Sept 11 2009
Directed by: Stewart Hendler
Starring: Brianna Evigan, Leah Pipes, Rumer Willis, Margo Harshman, Jamie Chung, Carrie Fisher
Review by: Ben Bussey

They’re Theta Pi. They’re a fun-loving, hard-partying sorority. They’re sexy, they’re hot, they’re everything you’re not, and so on. But when in the heat of a Girls Gone Wild-ish pyjama party they pull a little prank on a cheating boyfriend, things get just a teeny bit out of hand – and when the dust settles, they find themselves covered in blood, and one sister short. Under duress from alpha bitch Jessica (Pipes – a great scream queen name indeed), the guilty parties agree to hide the body and keep mum. But of course, such a big secret won’t stay buried for long, and on graduation day a cloaked figure is out for payback.

So let’s get the key charges against Sorority Row out of the way. One, it’s another remake. Two, it’s another slasher remake. If anyone has any vitriol left to spew on this subject, feel free. But I don’t think it’s unfair to say that as The House on Sorority Row is hardly one of the best or most beloved first generation slashers, a remake is not so unwelcome. Indeed, beyond the central conceit of ‘prank-goes-wrong-and-chicks-get-dead,’ this new movie has almost nothing in common with its namesake. With its emphasis on peer pressure, backstabbing friends and other such ‘young adult’ issues, along with the device of the victims-in-waiting getting text messages from the deceased, Sorority Row is in many respects more reminiscent of this year’s ‘Tormented’. But thankfully unlike that somewhat disappointing Brit slasher, this movie is considerably less interested in conveying a socially important message than it is with showing the audience a good time. This much is clear from the opening tracking shot, taking us into the heart of a madcap sorority party where young women are pillow-fighting in ass-less pyjamas, prompting a female onlooker to question whether this is hazing taken too far, with which a male onlooker wholeheartedly disagrees.

As college girl slasher remakes go, there’s way more entertainment value here than in the 2006 Black Christmas rehash, assuming you’re only after shits, giggles and eye candy – and if you’re buying a ticket to a slasher, you should hope for nothing more or less. Naturally the cast is very easy on the eye, though I should point out that if you’ve seen the shower scene that was posted online, you’ve seen the bulk of the nudity – not all, but the bulk. However, I’m also pleased to report that the kills are among the quirkier I’ve seen for a while, particularly thanks to the use of an imaginative, potentially iconic weapon in the form of a tire-iron adorned with various blades. Even better, a wine bottle is put to unexpected and enjoyably nasty use. And with the nicely catty turns from Pipes, Chung and Harshman, you’ll definitely be keen to see blood spilled. Credit is also due to Rumer Willis’ good girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown (poor girl, she inherited her father’s jawline), and Brianna Evigan’s tough girl with sweaty cleavage (she doesn’t seem to have inherited anything from her father, thank fuck).

Of course Sorority Row doesn’t bring anything new to the table, nor do all the little plot twists work, nor is the cinematography anything to write home about, nor does the gratuitous epilogue scene convince as anything other than a feeble attempt to kickstart a franchise. But why should any of this be taken as a negative? When it comes to slasher movies, innovation is overrated. When all is said and done, Sorority Row delivers pretty much everything you want from a movie like this, with just enough gusto and personality to make it stand apart. It won’t rock anybody’s socks off, but I can honestly say it’s one of the most enjoyable run-of-the-mill formulaic horror movies I’ve seen this year.

Brutal As Hell Rating: 3 out of 5