DVD Review: Legend of the Bog
Legend of the Bog (2009)
Studio: Lionsgate
Release Date: June 23, 2009
Directed By: Brendan Foley
Cast: Vinnie Jones, Jason Barry, Nora-Jane Noone, Adam Fogerty & Olga Wehrly
Review By: Annie Riordan
When Irish construction workers dig up a Two-thousand year old bog body, their Super Bitch Boss Lady demands that they dump it rather than reporting it, as an archaeological investigation of the area will only put her further behind schedule. It’s a rash decision that the bitch will live to regret, because this is a horror movie, and bad things always befall bitches.
Sure enough, the bitch and her blue collar assistant become lost in the Irish countryside that evening and are forced to take refuge at an isolated cabin. Much to their surprise, they aren’t the only stranded couple at the cabin. A dashingly handsome professor, his pouty TA and two American tourist girls come seeking shelter at the cabin as well, which is not as abandoned as they thought. When the cabin’s owner – a tough-as-nails man known only as The Hunter – arrives home, he’s none too happy to find his house already very occupied. Begrudgingly, he allows them to stay the night, and as the evening progresses, the seven strangers begin swapping stories.
Meanwhile, that carelessly dumped bog body has come back to life for some reason and, once he’s done killing circus midgets and convenience store employees, he makes his way to the cabin, grunting all the way, It seems that the seven strangers all have something in common, and it is their combined guilt that has brought the fury of the bog man down on their heads…or some such shit.
Netflix advertised this as being a horror comedy, but it’s neither particularly horrific nor very funny. I’m still not sure if the makers of this film intended for this to be a spoof or what, because it doesn’t really come off that way. The actors seem quite serious in their roles and their sordid pasts aren’t exactly joke fodder.
Mr. Bog Body, by contrast, is laughable, but not in a haha funny kinda way. The lumbering WWE reject keeps stumbling into situations which are stunningly dumb, and the lame attempts to make them funny just come off as eye-rollingly painful. It takes him forever to find his way to the cabin, and even longer for the victims to come bopping across his path. Far too much time is spent on watching our cast bicker amongst themselves and form unlikely bonds. The couple we’re supposed to be rooting for – Jason Barry of Beyond ReAnimator and Nora-Jane Noone of The Descent – aren’t particularly likable: he’s a smug prick and she’s a sullen dishrag whom a smile might very well kill.
All in all, I can’t really recommend this one for any reason. It’s as dry and as lifeless as a leathery old bog body.
Brutal As Hell Rating:
2 out of 5
