Staff Kills: Marc’s Top Five Castrations, (or Is that Your Oh Face?)
Article By: Marc Patterson
Horror has a bad rep for being overly misogynistic. I’m not going to defend that sentiment, because for a good deal, it is right on. Not in every case, but in a lot of cases it is. And the same as with mainstream cinema you expect to see full frontal female nudity way before you’d ever expect to see full frontal male nudity. For a penis to earn a mere few frames means the filmmaker was willing to tread edgy ground. Look at Ben’s round up of hot female nudity in the Friday the 13th franchise. There were so many scenes he left out, but beyond a pair of buttocks can anyone point to a scene where a guy dropped trough for even half the airtime? The point to be made is simple. I admire filmmakers who take the chance to be truly brutal and hit the male demographic where it counts. Sure, I’ll squirm like a little worm on a hook if the scene is done right, but for those filmmakers who take the chance and push the boundaries a bit, the payoff can prove totally rewarding. Here’s a quick look at five of my most memorable scenes of male castration. Or as I like to say… Is that your “Oh Face”, or “Oh Shit!” face?
5 – Hard Candy
This one squeezes into the top five by a sheer pubic hair. First, no penis is ever shown on screen. Second, no dick was actually harmed during the shooting of this film. So what the fuck would allow this to even get into the top five? Call it a riveting performance, the sound of knife to skin, the thought that it was actually happening, slowly and drawn out. This scene here was painful for any male viewer to sit through. Like Halloween is the greatest bloodless slasher, Hard Candy presents the most brutal castration that never happened.
4 – I Spit On Your Grave
One of the most hardcore and depraved films in horror history is made so due, in part, to this particular scene. Of course, for pure exploitation purposes Camille Keaton gets nude for the audience, (and she does look yummy, but don’t tell her I said so!) Another drawback is lack of graphic violence. Somehow the filmmaker could show her rape in graphic detail, but getting a little prick on screen was all but impossible.
4 – Gutterballs
Director Ryan Nicholson is a sick fuck. The idea of a castration in one of his films is like saying, “What could we toss in that won’t be too hard for the audience to sit through?” After enduring a twenty minute graphic rape scene, watching this castration was like strolling through the park on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
2 – Hostel Part 2
Eli Roth is a douchebag and makes shitty films. However, this was a twist worth waiting for. Never call this chick a “cunt”. (As a side note… it’s never good to call any woman “cunt”, even though here in New England, twistedly enough, to do so is seen as a term of endearment. Yeah, we’re fucked up.)
Let's take a look at that inset... you think he's feeling it?
1 – Cannibal Ferox
The Italian cannibal films of the seventies were unrelinquishingly harsh. Often they interjected scene of animal cruelty for pleasure. This particular film is noteworthy because it contains two castrations. Something of a rarity in any film. The first one is an off screen lopping where one of our cannibals is strung to a tree and deflowered of his manhood. The second is the one that gets the most attention. It features a close up of a very fake penis being hacked off (notice the horrible pubic hair) and then a follow up by having the performing cannibal eat the dick. Youch!
Honorable Mentions:
Last House on the Left – The featured scene here features Mari’s mom who decides to give one of the killers a BJ out on the back lawn, and then rip his dick off with her teeth. Painful? Yes. Beliveable? Not so much. Why or how could the mother of a girl who’s just been murdered take a dirty stanky cock into her mouth, even if for the purpose of biting it off? Just not convinced. The setup to this was equally horrible and in none of my viewings have I cringed in the least.
Teeth – The supposedly feminist film that feminists seem to love to hate (just Google some reviews and see what I mean). No matter… this cautionary tale features a surprise ending where our step brother fucks his step sister, only to find out the consequences for sexing up his sister means her vagina dentata are going to do some lethal damage. Oh… it’s that a prince albert I see?
