DVD Review: The Horror Convention Massacre
The Horror Convention Massacre (2007)
Studio: Old School Sinema
Directed By: Joe Ostrica
Cast: Lloyd Kaufman, Uncle Scratch’s Gospel Revival, Syn Devil, Bryan Jalovec, Theo Kurg, Carl “Hot Carl” Ferrara, Ted Wodoslawsky
Brutal As Hell Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Review By: Marc Patterson
The Horror Convention Massacre is a title that screams “No Budget”. It’s a title that boldly declares to those who might dare to view it that not only is it a no-budget horror flick shot on a wing and prayer, but that it also is likely to be a horrendous pile of shit as most no budget films are. It’s a title most likely loaded with tons of shots cut from scenes of debauchery and partying at those horrific events known as Horror Conventions. Ugh. Shivers run up and down my spine just to think of it. (God knows everyone out there just loves watching some homemade movies of folks getting drunk in hotel rooms.) There’s liable to be some badly spliced scenes, lines delivered as flat as a Nebraskan highway, and shitty FX. Or even better… no FX at all. Just some fake blood tossed around while all the good stuff happens off screen. The film will likely promise boobs and gore but really deliver none of them. After all, we’ve all been down this road before haven’t we? (The answer is a resounding yes in case you aren’t keeping up.)
With all due respect let me break down this one hour long film for you…
Less than one minute forty seconds in and boobs are bared. At the two minute, twenty-four second mark we’re into full nudity and a shower scene. At a mere three minutes in we’re getting ready to toke a fatty. Before the four minute mark passes two people are dead. One with a screwdriver to the skull and the other with the slit throat. And folks… no cutaway shots. Fuckin sweet. Clearly someone behind the camera knows how to shoot a killer film without enough cash to buy a Snickers from the hall vending machine. Every pre-conceived notion I carry about no budget filmmaking has just been decimated. Get me a cold beer. I’m about to have a damn good time.
I can’t even begin to go into some of the kills that take place here. It would take far too long, and quite frankly… I don’t want to ruin your experience. I will tell you there’s some real creativity at work, which is refreshing to say the least. The plot, which is barebones, follows a hotel employee Aaron (Bryan Jalovec) who’s forced by his neurotic and sleazy boss (Ted Wodoslawsky, who by the way was just fantastic in the film), to work a horror convention. Apparently Aaron is the only guy Ted can count on to properly deal with all the “freaks”. Meanwhile making his job nigh to impossible is a serial killer who’s running rampant through the hotel racking up a body count as though they were free souvenirs from a vendors booth.
From opening to ending Horror Convention Massacre is pure high octane horror. It’s fueled in part by an insane psychobilly soundtrack, contributed in part by the wacky duo of Uncle Scratches Gospel Revival. Our serial killer portrayed by Theo Kerg is a hell of a sight. Scraggy haired, toothless, and with the most naturally insane bugging eyes, Theo (and I mean this with all respect because I don’t want him hunting my ass down) is one sick and fuckin’ disturbed guy. (Which should properly translate to “We love him!”)
When it comes to the details there’s not much to criticize. The script mocks itself with a sense of frivolous self-deprecation, as if to admit that horror conventions are both the ugly and glorious beasts that they are. Take it or leave it. Chances are, you’re bound to have a good time. The use of effects is smartly done despite no budget. Clearly the crew knows who to make something of nothing and is able to do it on an extremely truncated timetable and on the fly. The huge bonus was thanks to the guerilla style of filmmaking employed, director Joe Ostrica was able to pack the film with a slew of celebrity cameo’s from Lloyd Kaufman to Lew Temple and Ari Lehman. And they don’t simply smile and nod at the camera. No, each contributes a little something special to the film. Impressive.
The film sports a short run time of only an hour, but that should be no deterrent. It’s appropriate paced to its length and clocked in quite nicely all things considered. Shockingly Joe packs in the extras including a behind the scenes featurette, deleted scenes, photo galleries, and more. It’s a veritable treasure trove of indie horror glory!
The Horror Convention Massacre is a solid hour of wall to wall gore, gratuitous nudity, and convention style hijinks. It’s quite possibly the best no-budget film I’ve seen, ever. Any fan of the genre that’s ever stepped foot into, or thought about stepping into, a horror convention should make a point to grab this film. We highly recommend The Horror Convention Massacre to any self-respecting horror fan.
Editors Note:
To order “THE HORROR CONVENTION MASSACRE” individually or in a special discounted DVD 3-pack with its sequel “THE HORROR CONVENTION MASSACRE 2″ and the comedy “GUYS” (featuring cast and crew members from “THCM”), e-mail OLD SCHOOL SINEMA at ossfilms@yahoo.com or find them on MySpace at www.myspace.com/ossprojects.
