My Bloody Valentine 3D (2008)

Studio: Lionsgate

DVD Release Date: January 16, 2009

Directed By: Patrick Lussier

Cast: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Megan Boone, Betsy Rue

Brutal As Hell Rating: 3 ½ out of 5 stars

Review By: Marc Patterson      

Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles, Supernatural) is finally coming home.  It’s been ten years since he left town, and ten years since he barely survived the bloody rampage of Harry Warden.  Warden, the sole survivor of a tragic mine collapse caused by the negligence of fellow miners was found near dead in the tunnel.  But the bodies of his fellow miners were found murdered, all from Warden’s pickaxe.  It was rumored to be Warden’s attempt to save the oxygen in the tunnel for himself.  A year later when Warden wakes up in the hospital from his coma he immediately launches into the most heinous of murderous rampages taking out everyone who comes in his path, only finally meeting his demise at the hand of the town Sheriff. 

Ten years later it seems the town is still trying to move on from the horrifying events of that Valentine’s night, and when Tom rolls back into town he finds quite a bit has changed.  His old girlfriend Sarah (Jaime King) has married his high school rival Axel (Kerr Smith).  Axel now the Sherriff, is an adulterous husband, hot at the handle, and doesn’t appreciate Tom’s presence one bit.  Tom seems rather unphased by Axel’s animosity.  He came back to town for one thing, and that is to sell the mines that he inherited from his father.   When he runs into Sarah he decides to face the demons of his past, not sell the mine and stay.  However, one thing is going to make that tough.  Harry Warden is also back.  Or at least someone who is doing a damn fine job playing copycat.  Axel has Tom in his cross-hairs as the number one suspect, but when Tom comes up with a bulletproof alibi things seems to indicate that maybe Axel isn’t the guy everyone thinks he is.  The suspense propels the film to a bloody climax that can only be appreciated in magnificent digital 3D. 

My Bloody Valentine 3D is a remake that takes deliberate liberties from the original film.  First, you’ll recognize from the synopsis above that the storyline itself is altered presenting us with a plot that makes clear nods to Mihalka’s original Canadian slasher, but with enough twists to the story that you’re going to have to pay attention to figure out who the killer is.  Lussier effectively dispenses with the idea of creating an in-depth story that the first had, rather choosing to revel in the red.  However, his simple “whodunnit” gimmick fails as any horror geek with a well trained eye will have this caper figured out within the first 15 minutes.  Nonetheless Lussier’s commitment to over the top gore gags makes the film a real treat to watch.  You won’t have to sit there and compare notes to the original, rather just sit back and enjoy.   

Clearly the main attraction on display is the 3D experience of being at the business end of Harry Warden’s pickaxe.  So much that it supersedes the tattered and lackluster plot, or characters which fail to engage the audience.  And if the violence in 3D is the real gimmick then that is where our judging has to reside. 

If nothing else My Bloody Valentine 3D excels in the sport of violent bloodletting.  Spectators who arrived expecting to see a typical slasher were surprised to find some visceral hardcore pickaxe action taking place.  Hacked bodies and severed limbs are served up as though they were of the finest variety of comestibles at the swankiest of dinner parties.  The camera moves deftly through the carnage as blood spews into the audience fully immersing us into the mayhem.  Spectacular.  It became a difficult task to take stock of exactly how many corpses were racked up during the course of the film, but I can attest to the fact that it was in excess of a dozen.  Pretty impressive all things considered.  All topped off with a luscious nightcap that goes by the name of Irene (Betsy Rue).  Rue, who spends five minutes straight dashing about the set without a lick of clothing on, proved that even violence and nudity can provide comic relief into a moment of hard suspense.  And while I know nothing of Rue as an actress I had to wonder about the future of porn in Digital 3D.  

Not since Scream have I had such a good time at the theater.  While this re-imagining retains none of the charm of the original it manages to make for a hell of a good time and lives up to everything it claims to be.