Theatrical Review: Donkey Punch
Donkey Punch (2009)
Studio: Magnolia/Magnet Releasing
Theatrical Release Date: January 23, 2008
Directed By: Oliver Blackburn
Cast: Robert Boulter, Sian Breckin, Rom Burke, Nichola Burley, Julian Morris, Jay Taylor, Jaime Winstone
Brutal As Hell Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Review By: Marc Patterson
Three vacationing British girls meet up with a group of guys, and fellow Brits, in the Mediterranean, and decide to take their party to a yacht for which the boys crew. In order to kick up the party they take the yacht out to sea and after a string of boozing and drugging they proceed straight to some animalistic fucking. And that’s when things get messy. Ever heard of a donkey punch? No? Google it. Yes? Read on. So one of the dumb ass boys decides to donkey punch the cute girl just as soon as he’s about to get off, but in doing so accidentally kills her. Now you have a boat full of naked boy ass running around trying to figure out what to do. And not one person on board (except for the girls who now want the hell off the boat) can bring themselves to do the right thing. What follows is a string of cat and mouse games between the ensemble cast that culminates in some surprising violence.
Donkey Punch was a film I tried really hard to like. It’s sexy, stylish, and violent. The girls are all smoking, the guys are ripped, and I’ll be damned if the film didn’t manage to dole out the hottest sex scene I’ve seen in modern horror. But the director takes a ridiculously long time in setting up the story, which would be fine if we were getting introduced to some characters that were likeable, or memorable. Unfortunately for us, the characters are nearly indistinguishable from each other, and lack any qualities that make us root for any one over the other. When a clear antagonist finally comes forward it’s far too late into the film to save it from mediocrity. The story? Well let’s just say the story isn’t important. Donkey Punch is more a character study, but a study in uninteresting characters. This makes the first forty minutes before we get to any significant action difficult to endure. To the credit of the director, when that serious action comes, it comes on quite nicely.
Gorehounds won’t find much of interest. There are some decent set-pieces including a particular motor blade chop up scene, but that was the climatic overture to this re-hashed party hearty teen story without much else to write home about. This shouldn’t completely deter you from choosing to watch the film. It’s edited nicely, looks great, sports a wonderful soundtrack, and once the action does get rolling there is a fairly high level of dramatic suspense that pushes the film along and will keep you watching. It manages to serve up more hedonistic delights than horror, and while it may take claim to one of the hottest sex scenes in a horror film, it can’t take claim for much else. Though I expected a lot more, Donkey Punch was still enjoyable in a brain dead, don’t know how else to spend my evening kind of way. Watch it, but don’t forget your bong.
