DVD Review: The Evil Woods
The Evil Woods (2007)
Studio: Lions Gate
DVD Release Date: June 3, 2008
Directed By: Aaron Harvey
Cast: Brian Smith, Tamara Czartoryski-Borbon, Dedon Donovan
Brutal As Hell Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
Review By: Marc Patterson
Lame disclaimer from editor: If you haven’t guessed from my one star rating above, this film blows. I’m going to break from my semi-professional style of reviewing and let it rip on this one:
A group of teenagers head out into the great outdoors for a weekend of drinking, smoking, and partying… Wait. Hold this review right there. I’ve heard this before. Like, a hundred times before. Let me guess at what else we have here… A psycho slasher hiding out in the woods killing anyone that would wander through his/her/its domain? Yup. By the way, how’s that cell phone coverage? Oh – there is none. Go figure. I suppose the car either breaks down, or is in a collision of sorts? Yup on that one too. Any scary rednecks that wandered from the set of Deliverance perchance? Yup, Yup, and Yup. Okay, so what does this story have to offer that might be original? The answer in a nutshell? Nothing. How about cool effects? Nah. Didn’t have the budget for that. What about buckets of blood? Hell, I heard that’s pretty cheap. Nah, couldn’t do that one either, after all it makes a horrible mess and is sticky and stuff. Not to mention that it makes those no name actors all cranky, and they only got fed grilled cheese and hotdogs anyway.
Folks, if you haven’t guessed already The Evil Woods was a deeply disturbing film, but not in a good way. More like it was irksome, annoying, unoriginal, and not in good taste. It was a film so bad it was just… bad.
The only moment when I experienced euphoric elation was when the asshole character John (Brian Smith) finally got his due. I think my living room erupted into a unanimous standing ovation. The disappointment, however, was that it was far too quick and too painless of a death, and without the level of gore we only wished would befall the prick. The disappointment didn’t stop there. The rest of the murder-set-pieces were equally dull and anti-climatic. Ugh.
Without any question or debate this is a ridiculous film, with an overused premise. It sports a lackluster cast that is burdened with the kind of potty mouth, illiterate script I could have effectively written in the 5th grade. The killer was unoriginal, uncreative, and not the least bit frightening. As a reviewer I always try to dig deep and find some redeeming value in the many horrid films that I watch. Honestly, there wasn’t much here. If I dug to the bottom of the barrel I think I could muster that at least the director knew how to lay out a film and shoot. Next time around my advice would be to get a better story, script, cast, more blood soaked effects, and try again. Or not. I don’t really care. I’m giving this film one star for bare bones competency executed in a piss poor manner. Don’t bother even looking at this one. To even peruse over the DVD while in the rental store would be giving this film too much of your time.
