DVD Review: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
DVD Release Date: August 5, 2008
Directed By: Fred Olen Ray
Cast: Linnea Quigley, Gunnar Hansen, Michele Bauer, Jay Richardson, Dawn Wildsmith
Brutal As Hell Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Review By: Will Colby
At first glance HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (HCH) appears to be nothing more than another bad movie with an absurd title. If you happen to be of this opinion, you are correct in your assumption and I’m forced to agree, to a certain extent. But, there is more to this film than just a dumb fucking name, with some bimbos tacked on to it like flypaper. This is a fighter, a survivor. It has stood the test of time. It deserves some fuckin’ respect and I am going to explain why, even though, at times, it will sound like I am slamming, not championing it. This is a bad film which prides itself on its badness, making it bad ass in the coolest possible way!
HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS is a niche film; it isn’t for everybody. This being been said, I urge you to proceed with caution.
HCH comes straight from the strange world-of-the-B, where quality is measured, not by sense and good taste, but by the exact opposite. You know if you’re one of us, the purveyors of the putrid. Don’t worry; it’s OK if you don’t want to come out of the closet. It can be hard to admit to your peers that you’re different, that you like different things. You feel dirty or wrong, maybe even ashamed; it’s ok to feel the way you do. You aren’t wrong; you’re just different, born with mutant genes that cause you to champion the bad, for its righteousness……”These people can’t act! Isn’t that cool! Yes Sir, I think it is!”
Twenty years ago Fred Olen Ray unleashed HCH on an unsuspecting public and fans of trash cinema responded with open arms and hairy palms. Fred delivered a virtual boobtopia of topless B-queens, including
Michele Bauer, Linnea Quigley, and Dawn Wildsmith, strutting their shit with authority. Its reputation preceded it even though it was hard to come by, due to poor distribution. The faithful found copies and its legend began to grow.
The problem with legends is they are often amplified by the rumor mill until they are built up far beyond the actual reality of what they are: low-grade tit shows. This one is not an example of that. HCH has a style that sets it apart from the crowd. There may be better bad films out there, but this film is kind of special. It deserved re-release. In fact it’s safe to say, that as long as movies like this continue to get attention, there just might be hope for humanity yet!
Like a classic 40’s noir film HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS opens with the introduction of ‘Jack Chandler’ (Jay Richardson). Jack, in voiceover, tells us about his latest case. Chandler is a dick, and “the thing about being a dick is that it is a twenty-four-hour-a-day job”. He has been hired to locate a missing girl ‘Samantha’ (Linnea Quigley) who has disappeared somewhere in Hollywood. While searching for clues, he runs afoul of a chainsaw-worshipping cult of (usually topless!) prostitutes who creatively service their johns with a saw. Believing Samantha to be involved with this cult, Chandler puts his ass on the line looking for a “date”.
Stand proud and defiant like a monkey masturbating in a zoo, you have no reason to be ashamed if you, like I myself, sat and giggled at the jiggles. This film is gloriously stupid, but features surprisingly clever dialogue and some genuinely likable characters. Jay Richardson is particularly effective as deadpan “dick” Chandler and when Michele Bauer doffs her duds and dons a shower cap to fire up the saw, well my friend that is how B- movie history is made.
HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS is a tit show, it has the requisite flesh, delivered on a bed of inspired tongue-and-cheek humor, which makes the talking heads between naked chicks fly by! Pull up your pants, grab the car keys and go get yourself a copy of this film.